


The Fallout

by alirose_x



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Fix-It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sort of AU, alternative ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2020-02-29 02:10:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18769036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alirose_x/pseuds/alirose_x
Summary: This is what should have happened after Endgame.This will contain spoilers of Endgame so don't read if you don't want spoilers!!!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm slowly getting over Endgame now and as a result I've decided to write my own alternative ending. Also I'm Tucky for life so had to have that included in my story.
> 
> Again this will contain some Endgame spoilers!

I tried to open my eyes but found one was being held shut by something and the other was blinded by the bright lights above me. I tried to lift my arm to my face, but I couldn’t, they felt as if they weighed a tonne. The longer I laid there, the more I realised that everything felt like it weighed a tonne. 

I couldn’t see much out of my left eye, but I saw that I seemed to be in a hospital room and there was a vacant chair next to my bed. I couldn’t move my head, but I was able to catch sight of a drawing in my peripheral. It was stood on the table near the chair. I instantly remembered the drawing and it seemed to trigger something because memories flooded back like a wave hitting the shore. 

Thanos.

The stones.

Pepper.

Morgan.

I needed to know what had happened. Did we win? I thought I could remember Pepper telling me that I could rest but I didn’t know if that was just a dream. What if they were all dead? What if this wasn’t our one winning ending?

Where was Morgan? 

Where was Pepper? 

The more I thought about it, the more questions I had. Panic flew through me until the room was suddenly filled with a loud beeping sound and then the flapping of white coats.

“Calm down Mr Stark.” 

“You’re safe Mr Stark.” 

“Daddy!” 

“Tones!” 

Speech was being thrown at me, but I couldn’t see who was saying what and I quickly realised that I couldn’t respond even if I wanted to. Just attempting to move my mouth sent a burning pain through my throat. It felt like someone had let cats use my windpipe as a scratching post. 

“If you don’t calm down, we will have to sedate you. Your heart isn’t strong enough.” Someone said from over me.

Those were the wrong words to say because pain shot through my chest as my heart rate spiked and I did everything in my power to move away from them. It was all in vain though because I still couldn’t move. Regardless, sedation was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want to be knocked out and lose any more time.

“You’re scaring him.” Someone shouted. “Let us try.” The same person continued. 

Suddenly the faces hanging over my head disappeared, and I felt the bed dip as a weight was placed on it. All I could do was look up and between one blink and another Morgan’s beautiful face appeared as if by magic. 

“Daddy!” She said before giving me a toothy grin. 

I felt more than saw her hand placed on my uncovered cheek and if I didn’t know any better, I would say she had some special powers, because as soon as I felt her skin touch mine all the panic I felt eased. The room began to quieten as my heart rate slowly fell to within a normal range. 

I tried to open my mouth and say her name but again the same pain shot through my throat.

“Don’t try to speak Mr Stark.” I heard someone tell me. I didn’t even bother to try and see where the noise had come from because I was too busy looking into the face of my daughter. 

“You’ve been sleeping for ages,” Morgan said, her eyebrows seemed to knit together in an expression I couldn’t quite read. I heard the faint noise of someone talking but I couldn’t hear the words. Morgan didn’t seem to have the same trouble because she instantly relaxed and I couldn’t help the envy I felt at that. It was supposed to be me making her feel better, not some stranger.

“Tones can you hear me?” 

I would recognise that voice anywhere, I wanted to turn and see for myself how Rhodey was but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even force a smile on my face without feeling pain.

“Docs said you can’t speak so just blink twice if you can hear me.”

On that signal I quickly blinked twice and heard his sigh, “thank God. I was so worried.”

As he got closer to the bed, I was able to see him in my peripheral vision and from what I could see, he didn’t seem to be too badly injured. He placed one hand on Morgan’s shoulder and gave it a gently squeeze before putting the same arm on my forearm that was currently wedged between the bedrail and my body.

“You’re going to let the doctors check you over and once they’re finished, I’m going to fill you in on everything.”


	2. Chapter 2

Nine months. 

I’d lost nine months of time as I lay in a coma while the rest of the world dealt with the aftermath of my actions. Humans had been created and born in the time I had spent in this bed. Time is a commodity I was no longer willing to sacrifice and yet I had no choice but to give it up. 

The only silver lining was that everyone was safe. Rhodey assured me that Pepper was currently bedridden because of her injuries, which is why she hadn’t come and visited me yet. Given how much destruction I remember from the battle, I was surprised that everyone was safe, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. We had taken too many loses because Thanos, it was nice to finally have a win. 

“I remember there was a time I said you talked too much, now all I want is for you to say something.” Rhodey said from his position next to the bed. Even after a week I still wasn’t allowed to sit up in the bed and I was in too much pain to move my head, so I just had to rely on my peripheral vision. 

“You’ll get stronger soon. Didn’t they say the drugs just need to get out of your system and then you’ll be able to sit up and move?” Rhodey asked me.

Instinctively I went to nod but regretted it immediately. I didn’t understand how I could have been here for so long and yet still be in so much pain. Instead of nodding, I blinked twice in quick succession to show him that he was correct. 

The doctors had told me that after using the stones the power had literally burnt through half of my body, which included my throat. As a result, I had suffered severe damage to my vocal cords, and they didn’t know if I would ever be able to talk again. According to them, my voice or lack of, was the least of my problems so they couldn’t focus on that until everything else was stabilised. Stabilised to them meant losing the ability to move one half of my body. I would probably never be able to walk properly again, and I certainly wouldn’t be able to use my right hand. They were going to just amputate it but apparently Morgan had screamed the place down until they changed their mind. Rhodey described how she had told anyone who would listen that I was going to wake up and fix everything and I couldn’t do that with only one arm. I love that Morgan had more faith in me than I had in myself. 

No one really knew the full extent of my injuries. Everyone was waiting for me to wake up so that the endless tests could begin. The final test they performed today was on my legs where they discovered that my left leg was fine, but my right leg was practically dead. I got the sense that it was another part of me that they wanted to chop off but didn’t quite know how to say it.

The pain I felt when I thought about losing my ability to walk and the ability to create paled in comparison to my biggest injury. The darkened room was being lit up by my reoccurring nightmare. The demon I could never kill. Heavy in the middle of my chest was an arc reactor imbedded deep and keeping me alive. The one thing that was once killing me, was now, once again, my lifeline. It was a visual reminder of my failing human body. My weak heart that just kept limping on despite the odds.

When Rhodey told me that it was back in my chest, I could hear how sorry he was, but I also heard a steeliness that told me he would never apologise. He would do anything to save me and I will forever be grateful for that. If I could have spoken in that moment, I would have made a joke. 

Proof that Tony Stark has a heart.

But I can’t joke and pretend to be fine with it. The only true response I would have had would be to tell them that I would get it out. I managed to get rid of the old one and so I would do the same with the new one. Except this time, it was different. 

Back then I had my hands. I had a voice. 

Now I can’t even move, let alone create.

Rhodey stayed by my side for hours filling me in on every little detail. He described how the Winter Soldier was now Bucky, a fully-fledged member of the New Avengers. Apparently, my absence resulted in him getting close to Morgan. A relationship I wanted to hear nothing about whilst also wanting to know everything. It was as if he could read my mind because when he started talking about them, all I wanted to know was how the relationship came to be.

“I know what you’re thinking.” He had said, “how did they become friends?” He had continued. I heard him fidget in the chair and the slight whir or the motors in his legs as he moved.

“Morgan is the only person who can calm Bucky down. He suffers from some impressive PTSD and no matter what we tried, the only thing that works is her. You have to see it.” When he had spoken, I heard the awe in his voice. I knew that feeling because it was the same way I felt about the little human I had helped to create. 

I had been trying to get my left had to move all week, but it had been slow going. The doctors had told me it was as a result of the drugs they had to pump through me and using the stones. Hearing Rhodey talk about Morgan had made me determined to try again and so that’s what I did the second he had left me for the night. 

Using all my mental energy, I focused on trying to get me hand to move. The harder I pushed myself, the more frustrated I got when I couldn’t feel my hand doing anything. I could feel my brows forming a scowl as I continued to no avail. Something as simple as moving my hand felt as impossible as breathing under water.

I just wanted to feel the bedsheet against my fingers as I moved them, but the only thing I could feel was a tear as it slowly rolled down the side of my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed - also this will be a very long and slow journey so please get comfortable.


	3. Chapter 3

Morgan’s hair hung in my face as she looked down at me. It was causing my face to itch, and all I wanted to do was scratch it. I couldn’t move her hair away and I couldn’t ask her to scratch my face for me. Even if I could have asked her, she probably wouldn’t want to touch my face. She was reprimanded by one of the nurses about the dangers of touching anywhere near my wounds with dirty hands. Since then she has been afraid to touch me and will only do it when no one is around. I wanted to tell her that I was fine, that the only touch I did want, was her arms around my neck like she did when I would carry her to bed.

The door opened and her head immediately snapped up out of my line of sight. I could sense how tense she was when she heard the door but she seemed to relax immediately. Based on her reaction, I knew that it was either Rhodey or Bucky who had entered the room. She seemed to only relax around them and would tell me stories about her Uncle Rhodey and Uncle Bucky. If I thought about my past sins, I would find some reason for having to live with the fact that the person who killed my mum, was now my daughter’s “uncle”. Morgan didn’t even talk about Pepper, but she couldn’t stop talking about Bucky. 

“How are you doing Mr Stark?” The person asked, I recognised the voice as being Bucky. That was another thing about him that was grating on my nerves. He kept calling me ‘Mr Stark’, everyone here was calling me that. My father was Mr Stark, not me.

“I hope Morgan hasn’t been too much trouble. She’s a right little monkey.” He said before doing something I couldn’t see that caused Morgan to laugh.

Internally I was sneering at him, I had no idea if my face had even moved, and he made no acknowledgment if it had. The last thing I needed was him telling me what my own daughter was like. I had been there every day for the last five years of her life. I knew her better than him. She was a monkey because she had taken after her father. 

“Not sure if Rhodey told you, but some of them want to move you to Wakanda, Princess Shuri thinks she can fix you.” Bucky said. 

“No!” Morgan shouted at the same time as hope formed in my stomach. I had seen what Shuri could do, if anyone could help me, it was her. Maybe she could get me out of this fucking bed and back to my old self.

“But Morgan here doesn’t want us to move you, she has refused so much that she even has Rhodey on her side.”

“He has to stay here.” She insisted.

“But they have a better chance of fixing your daddy in Wakanda. They have the technology.”

“I don’t care,” she said, her tone had me picturing her crossing her arms and sticking her tongue out at him. 

“Why does he have to stay here?” Bucky asked.

“Because he is going to get better, but he has to stay here,” she insisted. 

“How do you know?” he asked.

“I can’t say, but I know he will. He has to stay.” I could hear from her voice that she was getting emotional and I wanted to tell Bucky to just shut the fuck up.

“I believe you monkey.” He said softly. “Regardless, Rhodey gets to make the call and he has said, and I quote, “over my dead body is anyone touching Tony”.” I briefly wondered why Pepper didn’t have the last say over my care until I remembered that she was on a bed in the room behind me. 

“Good because Daddy is going to get better and then all of you have to say sorry. Daddy says you say sorry when you do something bad and they’re doing something bad by wanting to move him.”

“I’ll make sure they all apologise to you.”

“And Daddy?”

“And Daddy.” He agreed.

“Good.”

“You’re in safe hands Mr Stark, your daughter is made of iron, just like you.” Bucky said, clearly talking to me now. 

“Hey monkey, mind giving me and your dad some alone time?” heard him ask her.

“Ok,” she said. The boring white ceiling that I was forced to endure was suddenly swapped for my daughter’s face. “I’m going now. Love you 3000,” she whispered before jumping off the bed.

When she had left the room, I heard Bucky say, “you’re lucky - she only loves me 100.” I knew he was trying to make a joke, but it didn’t stop me from mentally sticking my tongue out at him. He might be her ‘Uncle’ now, but he was only getting 100 loves. Take that Barnes!

“I know you hate me.” Correct. “And I know I’m the last person you want sitting here.” Also correct. “But I want to explain myself to you, this is the only chance I will have at telling you everything without you trying to kill me, or me being a coward and running away. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I wouldn’t forgive me, but I just want you to know how sorry I am.”

I didn’t think I could stomach hearing him throw himself down at my feet to grovel. I also didn’t have a choice given I couldn’t just tell him to shut up. No matter how hard I tried to get a sound to come out, nothing happened. 

“Wanda kept telling me not to feel bad. That it happened years ago. That it wasn’t really me, but Hydra.” He continues, and if I could, I would have snorted at the Wanda comment. Of course she would say that. To her, what he did was nothing because it hurt me. She was probably baking a cake and watching the video on repeat. 

“I told her that if I heard her saying anything like that again, I would put her through the nearest wall.” Bucky added, which took me by surprise. There didn’t seem to be any love for her if the sound of his voice was anything to go by. Although, Bucky probably hated anything Hyrda related, and Wanda was a walking representation. “Not my proudest moment.” I heard him whisper after a beat.

“I found that since being back, I’ve been getting angry when I shouldn’t. My therapist has said it is just me coming to terms with everything I’ve been through, but that doesn’t excuse it. I know some of them are scared of me.” 

As he continued to talk, I began to feel like I was the one who was going to need therapy. Having him use me as a diary was going to slowly drive me insane. All I wanted to do was shake him and tell him how lucky he was. He could get up and leave this room whenever he wanted. He could speak and pick up my daughter. I couldn’t even raise my eyebrows or feel the scratch of the bed sheets because I couldn’t move my fucking hand. Him complaining about his life was the last thing I needed. 

“I’m scared of me.” He said with a broken voice, he sounded as if he were about to start crying. His words were followed by silence, and I couldn’t see if he was crying. I hoped to God that he wasn’t because that would have been too many emotions in one conversation. I found myself praying that he would suddenly get an Avengers call so that I could be left alone with my thoughts and the white ceiling. 

“Mr Stark, can you blink twice for yes and once for no?” I heard him ask me.

To show that I could, I blinked twice in quick succession. I could have sworn he already knew that I could, but I didn’t have the energy to think about it too much.

“Is it ok if I ask you something Mr Stark?” Again, I blinked twice.

“Can I talk to you again? I know this must be a nightmare for you, but I think you’re also the only person who knows what it is like to be trying to make amends for things you didn’t mean to do.”

One blink.

My answer was followed by a mumbled apology and hasty retreat. 

I didn’t feel bad about my answer, how dare he come in here and unload on me like that? How dare he try and make me feel sympathy for someone who is alive because of the sacrifice I made? I wouldn’t feel guilty for not wanting to listen to someone who was living a life I could only dream of. Him and I were nothing alike. 

I was finally left alone in the silence I had craved a few minutes earlier. A dull ache started to form in my chest as I laid looking at the white ceiling. An ache that was feeling more and more like guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know who I feel more sorry for - Tony or Bucky (that's a lie, 100% my baby Tony). It's a long road ahead for Tony.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Tony to start getting better!

I woke to the sight of the same white ceiling and I wanted to cry from the boredom alone. It had been a day since anyone, other than nurses, had spoken to me, and a week since Bucky left me alone. I knew that none of them could babysit me all the time, but I also felt like they should appreciate the fact I couldn’t do anything. Laying on your back, staring at the ceiling gets boring, fast. Unlike them, I couldn’t just get up and find something to do, I couldn’t even fucking roll over and look out of the window. 

The sound of the door opening didn’t surprise me because I knew who it was likely to be. I was apparently starting my physio today, but I didn’t understand the point. I still couldn’t move anything, and I knew the only thing waiting for me in this session was pain.

“Mr Stark, my name is Callum and I’m going to helping you with your physio.” Callum said as he moved so that I could see his face. His voice had a slight Texan twang and he looked like his was in his early thirties, annoyingly he reminded me of Steve. Blond hair, blue eyes and built like a Dorito. It seemed like God had a sense of humour because he clearly didn’t want me to have any peace of mind.

“Have they explained to you that we would be starting today?” He asked. 

I blinked twice to show him I understood and waited for him to continue.

“Great, as you have limited mobility, I am going to keep our first sessions basic and just focus on keeping your limbs mobile so that you don’t lose too much muscle.” Until that very moment I hadn’t considered the consequences of laying in a bed for so long without moving. I had been here months, did I even have normal legs, or were they just skin and bone? 

I felt him bundle the sheets over my stomach as he exposed my legs, but I couldn’t feel him when he took one of them in his hand. To me it was further confirmation at how broken I was. I would never leave this bed at this rate.

“Don’t worry about not feeling this.” He said, as if he could read my thoughts. “You’re on so many painkillers that you won’t feel much. If you still have no sensation in a few weeks, that’s when we can start to worry.” As he spoke, I found myself relaxing slightly, his voice was surprisingly soothing for someone who reminded me of Rogers.

“I’m just going to move your legs in a circular motion, as if you were riding a bike.”

At first, I didn’t feel anything but then suddenly a sharp shooting pain shot up my spine as he moved my left knee towards my chest. I tried screaming out, but my mouth was restricted by the bandaging, even without the bandaging no sound would have come out. The painkillers couldn’t even touch this level of pain if they tried and there was no way for me to tell him. The more he moved my leg, the more I wished for death to end the torture. I started to feel my tears as they streamed down the side of my face, but Callum didn’t seem to notice. 

Eventually I knew he had stopped because the pain started to fade to a dull ache, and I could take in deeper breathes as I tried to calm down. However, I could sense him moving around the bed and I knew it likely meant he was moving to get access to my right leg. The leg that was the most affected by the stones, whenever I thought of that leg, all I imagined was a burnt bone and nothing else. I hoped that meant anything he planned to do wouldn’t hurt because I wouldn’t feel it.

I heard Callum gasp and he quickly tried to cover it up with a cough. “You’ve had a lot of damage to this leg. I will need to first see how much movement you have before we start anything too hard.”

I held my breath as I waited to suddenly feel pain wrack my body, but after a while he didn’t say anything else and I couldn’t feel anything, so I started to relax again.

“Has anyone told you the extent of your visible injuries?” Callum asked me. I blinked once to show him that no one had told me. There was no way for me to ever ask and no one seemed to want to talk about my injuries. 

“I won’t beat around the bush; you’ve got some pretty impressive scars covering your entire leg. The burns have all healed quite nicely though, silver lining is you won’t have to worry about shaving. It’s very red still though, and you’ve got a lot of muscle waste on this leg so I will need to take that into account.”

Hearing his description gave me an idea of what he meant. So, I was less Groot and more Kruger – fantastic. Burns I could deal with, only Pep was going to be seeing my leg anyway, and she wouldn’t care. I just didn’t want to deal with any muscle waste, if I had any hope in hell of getting out of this cage, I would need strength. 

“Happy for me to start work?” Callum asked, but he didn’t wait for me to blink because I felt pain shoot from the base of my spine to the top of my head. I couldn’t see what he was doing but whatever it was, it was getting worse and hurting the longer it went on. 

I tried blinking as hard and fast as I could in hope that he would notice and stop. Tears began to stream again, and I could feel my heartrate speeding up. Then he did something to my leg which took my breath away. A blaring screech went through the room and a silent scream was fighting to be heard before it all went black.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, firstly, I have 0 medical knowledge except what I have seen on TV, therefore please take all medical things from now and going forward with a pinch of salt. 
> 
> Also I am posting this despite knowing it probably won't be a very popular chapter, however, it is important for my story and this is just how I need it to go so that I can reach my destination.

The first thing I noticed when I started to come around was voices. I couldn’t tell if they were arguing because it still felt like I was underwater. Knowing how bright my room was on a normal day, I kept my eyes shut because I wasn’t ready for the headache the white lights would cause. The more I laid in silence and listened, the more I was able to make out the voices. Eventually I realised it was Rhodey and Bucky arguing over something.

“I’m his next of kin so it is my say.” Rhodey said.

“He has a right to know. You can’t keep it from him forever.” Bucky argued back. From the passion in his voice, he seemed to really care strongly about whoever they were talking about. I didn’t know Rhodey had anyone close enough to him that would list him as their next of kin. Rhodey had clearly been holding out on me.

“Anymore bad news will just finish him; he needs to focus on recovery.” Rhodey argued. Who does damn it? Say a name!

“He is a grown man; you can’t treat him with kid gloves.” Bucky replied.

“Since I’ve known him, it’s all I’ve ever done, and I won’t stop now. He is my best friend.” Rhodey said quietly, I could hear the emotion in his voice as it broke slightly. “I almost lost him. He survived Thanos, I refuse to let him die of a broken heart.” Rhodey added.

That’s when it all clicked into place. They were talking about me, they had to be, but that made no sense. Rhodey wasn’t my next of kin, Pepper was. What was he holding back from me? It must be something massive if even Bucky was fighting my corner. 

“I understand that but if you still want him to be your best friend, you need to tell him the truth before someone else does.”

“What should I say? “Hey Tony, hope you’re doing better today, oh by the way, Pepper isn’t actually alive.”?”

“Yes! At least that way he would know the truth.” Bucky said. “For all we know, he is planning his life out and wondering why his wife hasn’t come to see him. I know what it is like to be lied to by the people you love, so does he. You don’t want to be yet another person he can’t trust.”

“I love him too much to hurt him. The doctors told me to not say anything that might make him worse.”

“I don’t care what they said. You and I both know that he would want to know.”

“I know. I just don’t like the idea of him knowing and him being trapped. He can’t even talk.” Rhodey said.

As they spoke my ears began to fill with white noise as I let what they just said filter through. Pepper was dead. Rhodey told me she was alive and in the room behind me but that was a lie. My best friend had lied to me when I needed him the most. If he had lied about that, then what else had he lied about? Was Peter also dead? Was that why he hadn’t come to see me yet? Rhodey had said he was doing something for Fury that meant he couldn’t travel, but was that a lie? I thought I knew Rhodey, I thought I could trust him but clearly, I was wrong. 

“He will find out eventually, better from the person he trusts.” I heard Bucky say. 

“I know ok. You don’t need to guilt trip me; I know I’m the worst friend alive, I will tell him. A part of me wanted it to be true, wanted to keep her alive in his mind so that I didn’t have to see that light die in his eyes as I told him.”

“He’ll understand that.” Bucky said.

Like fuck I would. I would have understood if he had told me straight away. I would have understood if he had even told me a few days after I was awake. I would never understand why it has taken me overhearing them to know the truth. Why the man who I kicked out of my room is now the man being honest. It was bad enough losing my freedom of movement, now my best friend was taking my freedom of information. I had to rely on him for knowing what was happening outside of this room. I couldn’t tell him what I wanted. I couldn’t ask why there wasn’t even a radio in this place, why they hadn’t installed FRIDAY.

FRIDAY. They hadn’t installed her because there was a glitch caused by using the stones. A glitch that no one could fix yet. That’s what Rhodey had said and it made sense at the time, it was a massive power surge. Rhodey had also said Pep was alive. The more I thought about it, the more different possible explanations for the tech blackout came to mind. The winning theory was that he knew me. He knew that I would have FRI update me on everything post battle. FRI would have told me about Pep and that would fly in the face of what Rhodey wanted. 

“Mr Stark will be coming around soon and unless you want him to hear you, I suggest you stop talking.” From the voice, it sounded like Dr Bently, the guy who was my lead doctor. I could visualise his pudgy face that could only be caused by having one too many doughnuts on a rough shift. And his wispy brown hair that was visibly receding. 

I continued to go through my various theories with my eyes closed until I felt enough time had passed that I could open my eyes without it being obvious I had overheard them. I didn’t want Rhodey or Bucky to know that I knew the truth. Not yet. 

“Ah! Mr Stark!” Dr Bently said loudly, his face now hanging over mine. Rather than just standing in my peripherals like most people, he always liked to invade my personal space a bit too much.

“Can you hear me?” He asked, a question I was now custom to. I blinked twice to show him that I could.

“Do you remember what happened?”

Two blinks.

“When Callum was performing the physio, was it painful.”

Two blinks.

“This is excellent news Mr Stark!” He said, I could tell by his face and his voice how excited he was about it. “Do you know what this means?” He asked.

One blink.

“If you can feel the pain, then that means the nerves are not completely dead. We didn’t know the extent of nerve damage because we had to wait for you to come out of the coma. Once you had woken up, we then couldn’t move you until we were sure you were stable. Your body took a lot of power, power that should have killed you. We have to be very careful with your treatment because for all we know any slight thing could be the straw that breaks the camels back. We will of course need to run more tests, but for now, we must look on the bright side and focus on the positives.”

“Wait, so this means he might walk one day?” Rhodey asked.

“Of course, but that has always been a possibility. Except now it is more likely than before that he will, however, I must stress that there is still no guarantee.” The doctor answered. 

“Doc, is it ok if I speak to you outside?” Rhodey asked. 

“If Mr Stark doesn’t mind?” I blinked once to show them that I didn’t mind. All I wanted was to be left alone with my thoughts. I felt nothing at the news the doctor had just told me, I was still trying to wrap my head around Rhodey’s lies. 

I heard them leave but I could still see Bucky standing near the bed. I felt conflicted about him now, on the one hand, I still wanted to punch him in the face. On the other, he was the reason I knew the truth. 

“I know you heard us.” Bucky said. “I heard your heartbeat change when you woke up. Just promise me that you won’t judge him harshly. He honestly did what he thought was best in the situation.” Bucky paused as he brought on hand to rest on the bar of my bed. “I think you would have done the same if you were in his shoes.” He added. 

I watched in silence as he briefly looked behind him, my best guess was that he was watching Rhodey talk to the doctor, but I couldn’t see that far from this angle. 

“Now that you know, I want to show you something, but I can’t do it now. I have to go and get it. Can I come back?”

I looked at him and blinked twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me....or Rhodey! Although what he did was really shitty, I also think it is something that a lot of people would do in that situation, plus he is only human. 
> 
> Good news is, I have every single chapter planned out so there should be approx. 16 chapters left in this fic (just need to type them all up now). 
> 
> I hope you liked it and until next time :D


	6. Chapter 6

I was laying there for about an hour, just thinking about Pepper and Rhodey. I kept trying to see it from his side but whenever I did, I got this burning anger that made me want to break something. The logical part of my brain knew he probably did what he thought was best in the situation, but I didn’t want to listen to that part. I wanted to feed the other part that was starting to plan revenge; cutting Rhodey off for life; destroying everyone.

The sound of the door opening cut through my thoughts and it was followed by heavy footsteps that sounded like Bucky’s.

“Sorry, that took longer than expected.” Bucky said, confirming my suspicion. 

Once he was within my line of sight, I noticed that he had a tablet in his hand. “It took me a lot longer than I expected to get this.” He said while waving the tablet at me, “I then had to install a few things which added even more time.”

He moved closer and I watched as he tapped away on the tablet briefly before turning his eyes to me. From the look in them, I knew I was going to be getting a serious talk. A talk I didn’t want to hear. All I wanted to hear or see, was whatever he had on that tablet. 

“Believe me when I say this, he was trying to protect you. Promise me you won’t let your anger cloud your judgement.” Bucky stared at me and I stared back. Our impromptu staring contest seemed to drag on for longer than it should. I wasn’t sure what exactly he was expecting from me, so I just held his gaze. 

“I’m waiting for you to blink twice.” He said. I couldn’t stop the eye roll and I ignored the small smile he sent me. Wanting to get the show on the road, I quickly blinked twice so that he would continue. As soon as he saw my agreement, he held the tablet in front of my eyes and pressed play on the video.

“I had to do some less than legal stuff to get these so if you could not tell anyone, that would be great.” He said as I watched what appeared to be footage taken from cameras. 

As I focused on the screen, I noticed that the person in the video was me on a bed and I was covered in blood. My whole right side looked as if it were smouldering and I saw the doctors using wet towels to wrap my arm and leg. Suddenly the door flew open and Pepper ran into the room and stood next to my unconscious body. I felt my heart skip a beat as I saw the way she was fussing over me and batting away the nurses who kept trying to examine her.

“She refused any medical treatment until she knew how you were. She wanted all of the attention on you.” Bucky said. That sounded exactly like Pepper, she always was selfless and wanted to put my needs before her own. I watched her in the video for a few more minutes until she started to sway. My brows knitted together in confusion until a sinking feeling settled in my stomach. Helplessly I watched as she collapsed next to my bed, her arm was stretched towards me. Half of the medical team swarmed to her and within no time, she was on another bed and they were running their own checks. It didn’t take long before they rushed her out of the room.

My eyes flicked to Bucky, waiting for him to give me and explanation. “She had internal bleeding.” He said, “we think she took a hit during the battle that resulted in her rupturing her spleen. She refused any treatment, said once you were stabilised, she would get checked over. There was no way to have known. By the time they got her into theatre, it was too late. I’m so sorry Mr Stark.”

I tried to blink away the tears, but it was no use. I felt like I had lost a part of myself, Thanos just kept winning. I let the tears flow as I allowed the image of Pepper collapsing to play through my mind over and over again. Her worry for me was what prevented her from getting the help she needed. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t be dead. She would have had the necessary checks that she needed, and she would be here to look after Morgan. If I had just died instead of clinging to life, she would be alive.

“I didn’t show you just so you would blame yourself. I showed you because I felt you had a right to know. It was an accident, the only people to blame are dead.” Bucky said as he squeezed my left hand gently. “There’s another clip I want you to see.” He added.

I didn’t want to watch another video; I knew there was nothing that he could show me that would make me feel better. Pepper was gone, Rhodey had lied and everything was my fault. Reluctantly I watched as Bucky pressed play on the second video and waited for it to start. When it did, I noticed that in this clip, Rhodey was sat at my side, my hand clasped between his and his head was bowed as if he were praying. On the other side of my body stood Bucky and I saw that Morgan was in his arms, her head tucked into the crook of his neck. The room was slightly different from the previous one he showed me. This room looked as if it was probably the one I was currently in. The door to my room opened in the video, Rhodey’s head snapped up and he got to his feet, my hand still in his. A doctor walked in and said something that caused Rhodey to crash to his knees. I could tell from the way his shoulders were moving that he was crying. No. He was sobbing. Morgan was crying in Bucky’s arms and I watched as he held onto her tighter.

“He was a mess after he found out she had died. He refused to leave your side; he was terrified that he was going to lose you too.” Bucky said. “He prayed non-stop, kept saying that if you survived, he would do everything in his power to protect you.”

Bucky moved the tablet away from my face and began tapping away at it again. Rhodey had looked devastated, that much was obvious, Pepper was family to him. Just because I could understand why he lied, it didn’t mean I could forgive and forget so easily. It should be him here, showing me all of this, telling me the truth. Not Bucky.

“This is a programme that will let you talk to me. All you have to do is look at the letters and it will track your eyes.” He said as he helped up the tablet in front of my face again. “Rhodey has made a bigger version that he plans on setting up once he’s told you about Pepper.”

My eyes roamed over the screen and I saw that there was a keyboard, as well as some standard pre-set words and phrases. I looked at three letters in turn and then looked at the green submit button. A robotic voice came out of the tablet that said, “FRI.” 

The sound of a voice saying my words brought fresh tears to my eyes. Not only had the guy I tried to kill told me the truth, he had now given me a voice. There were too many emotions flowing through me that I didn’t know how to feel about him. Did I hate him? Was I indebted to him now? I didn’t have the capacity to think about it all right now.

“He didn’t install FRIDAY because he didn’t want her filling you in. He was scared that the truth would kill you and he would have to help Morgan grieve for the both of you.”

I looked back at the screen and when I was finished the robot said, “Peter?”

“Is on a mission, Rhodey didn’t lie about that. He hasn’t lied about anything except Pepper. Everything else that he has told you is true, I promise you.”

“Daddy’s got his voice.” I heard being shouted by Morgan as the door to my room opened. 

Bucky seemed shocked as he asked, “how did you find out? How did you get in here?”

“I knew that you would give him his voice today. And with my legs.” She answered as if Bucky were stupid and it were the most obvious thing in the world. If I could have, I would have laughed. I heard her walk to the side of my bed and when it was clear that Morgan was alone, Bucky put the tablet down and lifted her up so she could take her place on the bed next to me. 

The second Bucky had the tablet back in front of me, I began to look at the right keys, which took longer than expected given the amount of tears in my eyes. Eventually we all heard as the tablet said, “I love you Morgan.”

“I love you too daddy.” Morgan said before placing a kiss on my cheek.

“Love you more.” I replied.

“Not possible,” Morgan said, giving me a toothy grin. 

In my head I had wrapped my arm around her, pulled her closer to my body and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. I felt like I could feel her beneath my hand, but I knew it was just phantom feeling. Morgan began to fidget and almost burrow further down beside me. I watched as she looked over at Bucky and stuck her tongue out at him and then giggled when he mirrored her. 

He was still holding the pad over me, I started to form another sentence while he entertained Morgan. “Thanks for watching Morgan.” I looked at Bucky as the words were read out, hoping my gratefulness was obvious in my eyes. No matter how I felt about our past, I was thankful he was there for Morgan. 

“No thanks needed. It was the least I could do after everything.” As Bucky spoke, he ran one hand nervously through his hair and looked down at the floor. 

“Still angry for mum but want to forgive.” I found it was easier and quicker to cut words out when looking at the individual letters. I hoped he understood from my words that while I wanted to eventually forgive him, I wasn’t there yet. 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me.” Bucky said, “being able to help you like this is all I want.”

We stared at each other for a while and I felt like we were having a silent conversation. He seemed to have seen something in my eyes that he liked because he gave a slight nod before saying, “please let me come back Mr Stark, I really want to help you.”

I thought briefly about what he had done for me and weighed it against my past thoughts about him. It didn’t take long for me to know what I should reply and so I used the app to say it.

“Tony.”

“Tony.” Bucky repeated; a smile plastered over his face. 

I felt myself being jostled some more as Morgan shuffled further up the bed. I could feel her breath on the side of my face, and she lent over to my ear.

“Can I tell you a secret?” She whispered in my ear.

I blinked twice, finding that easier than waiting for the app to spell it out.

“Uncle Rhodey is going to tell you about mummy today. I’m not meant to tell people when I know things are happening. You love him and will forgive him, so I think it’s ok if you know.” She whispered, making a point of covering her mouth so that Bucky couldn’t hear. Judging from his amused look, he had heard every word.

I didn’t know what shocked me more. Her belief that I would forgive him, or the fact that I knew she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it and like where it is going, see you at the next chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than expected, sorry about that - I hope you enjoy it!

Bucky remained patient for what felt like hours as he held the tablet over my face. I had told him that if his arm was hurting then he could put it down for a while, but he assured me he was fine. He said something about the metal arm not getting tired, so I didn’t question it again. 

It didn’t take long for Morgan to start leading the conversation which was fine with me. Her voice alone was music to my ears. As she spoke, my eyes flicked from Bucky to Morgan and back again. I still couldn’t believe that Bucky was able to so easily draw the laughs and smiles from a child I thought he barely knew. Except that was no longer true, he had been there during her worst moments. Moments a child her age should never have to experience. Watching him tickle her neck and then seeing her try to wriggle away filled me a warmth that I couldn’t describe. 

Children were so resilient; adults never gave them the credit they deserved. Since waking up in this new world, I had felt like everything was crashing down around me. Morgan had endured the loss of her mother and had to watch her father waste away in a coma, but she kept her optimism. She still had enough love to wrap around the world twice and a part of me couldn’t help but envy the blissfulness of youth.

Seeing Pep’s last moments and hearing what had happened broke something inside me. At first, I thought that it was my heart, but looking at Morgan, I wasn’t so sure. Sure, my heart did break but that wasn’t the only thing that was broken. Whatever it was felt like a glow stick, it had to be cracked in order to see the light hidden inside. That was how I felt. Yes, I was broken but now I had a light inside of me ready to shine. That light was for Morgan. She needed a light and I was going to make sure I was shining as bright as I could. 

There was a knock on the door that drew Bucky’s attention but not Morgan’s. She just looked down at me and smiled before placing a kiss on my cheek. As the door was opened, I could have sworn I recognised Rhodey from scent alone. Bucky quickly closed the tablet and held it close to his side.

“Can I have a word with Tones alone?” Rhodey asked. 

I felt my heart skip a beat as a sense of dread washed over me. Rhodey sounded like he had been crying, a part of me wanted to pull him in for a hug and comfort him like he has done for me in the past. Then I remembered that I was supposed to be angry at him for lying to me, for keeping me in the dark like so many other people in my life. I felt like I was constantly confused as to which emotion I should give the most weight to. 

“Sure, let’s go monkey.” Bucky said while he helped her get down off my bed. Before he walked towards the door, Bucky smiled at me and gave me a slight nod.

“Bye daddy, bye uncle Rhodey.” Morgan said as she left with Bucky.

“See ya Morg.” Rhodey said and it earnt a small giggle from Morgan. 

Once they left, we were surrounded by silence. My heart was racing as I waited for him to say what I knew was coming. Rhodey moved closer to the bed and I heard him unclick the side and lower it. The bed dipped as it took his weight and he gently took my hand in his.

“You are the most important person to me. You are my brother and I would never do anything to hurt you. I’ve spent my life protecting you, trying to keep you from getting hurt or doing something you would regret. Except, this time it was me who did something that I regret.” He said, “I don’t know how to say this.” He continued but didn’t get further because he burst into tears.

I could feel my nostrils flaring as I breathed in deeply in a vain attempt to stop my own tears. It was pointless because I also started to cry. Crying because a man who was my rock was now crying in front of me. In the years I had known him, I could count on one hand the amount of times I had seen him cry. I was crying because I knew the truth he was about to deliver, and I didn’t want to hear it. Crying because all I wanted was Pepper back and for us to have all been alright. I was crying because despite my sacrifice, Thanos still won. 

“I lied to you,” Rhodey managed to say between his sobs, “Pepper isn’t in the room behind you. She didn’t make it. God, I’m so sorry.” His confession was followed by another round of tears from us both and I watched helplessly as he seemed to curl into himself. He kept saying how sorry he was as if it were a mantra that would right all the wrongs. 

I wanted to scream, I didn’t care about the pain, I didn’t care that my voice box was shot, I just wanted to have an outlet for these emotions. The anger within me was quickly being replaced by grief but I wasn’t ready for that transition. I tried to hold onto the anger and channel it at Rhodey but I couldn’t. Seeing him in front of me, crying harder than I have ever seen and looking completely broken, was pulling me in a direction I didn’t want to go. But wasn’t that what Morgan said? Didn’t she say I would forgive him? 

“Please understand why I did it. I couldn’t believe you survived and when the doctors told me how fragile you were, I promised to do anything it took to keep you safe. Even if it meant breaking your trust.” Rhodey explained. “That’s why I’ve kept FRIDAY offline, I couldn’t risk her telling you the truth. I swear to you, the second I leave here, I will turn her on and make sure she is working in here. I know my word means nothing but believe me when I say that I will never lie to you again.”

I just didn’t know what to believe anymore. The only real thing I had that I could hold onto was Morgan. Rhodey lied, yes. Could I change that? No. As ironic as it was, I did trust him not lie to me again. Holding onto my anger at him was not going to change anything. I needed to focus my time and energy on getting better for Morgan and anger was the last thing she needed in her life. Morgan was right, I would forgive him. No. I did forgive him. 

I wasn’t just forgiving him for myself or for Morgan, I was also doing it for Pepper. Pepper wouldn’t want us to fall out over this, she knew how valuable time was, and I couldn’t let her memory be tarnished by a feud between the only family Morgan had. Pepper was gone from this world, but she would never be gone from my heart. She would be my guiding star as I continued the journey for her. 

Rhodey was still crying next to me and telling me how sorry he was. I wished that Bucky was here so that I could communicate my thoughts to him. Tell him how much he hurt me, how angry I was and how I had forgiven him. My thoughts kept swinging from two extremes. From intense betrayal and to understanding and grief. I felt like this was just another ball added to the pendulum that didn’t stop moving. 

“All the other times you’ve been in trouble, Afghanistan; New York; I never once doubted that I would find you or that you would be okay. But this time it was different, I thought you were going to die. I was planning Pep’s funeral and I thought I was going to have to plan yours. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Please believe me.”

If I could control my body, I would have probably smashed something and then fallen into his arms. We would be wrapped around each other as we tried to bear the others grief. I could almost feel the roughness of his palm as I pictured moving my hand so that I could hold him back. Once we had stopped crying, he would throw an arm around my shoulders like he always did, and we would do something crazy in Pep’s memory. Except, I still had no control of anything, and the emotions were left to swirl inside like a star ready to implode. 

Rhodey’s cries had slowed and his voice was getting hoarse and breaking. I channelled everything inside me to the hand that he was holding in the hope that he could somehow pick up on how I was feeling. I was already struggling with guilt over Pep, I couldn’t shoulder his too. I needed him to know what was going on inside. I needed FRI or that tablet so that I could break his cycle of apology. 

He continued to apologise until he jolted as if he had been electrocuted and he looked at me with wide eyes. His face was a mixture of disbelief and hope. A slight smile was forming and with the tears still rolling down his cheek, I briefly wondered whether he was having a mental break. I got my answer when he next spoke.

“Your finger just moved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This felt like quite a short chapter this time but I still hope you liked it. I will say that as we venture further into the recovery journey, you take all medical parts of the story at face value. Like I've said before, I have 0 medical training, 0 understanding of how it works and so will try and make it as realistic sounding as possible, but it is likely to be inaccurate at times.
> 
> Have a blessed day and until next time folks!


	8. Chapter 8

His words didn’t quite register with me at first and for a split second I thought he was talking to someone else. Then he repeated himself before jumping off the bed and hitting the emergency button on the wall above my bed. 

“I felt it Tony, your finger moved.” His voice was full of excitement and for a split second I let myself feel it too.

Within seconds doctors and nurses had rushed into the room but then seemed to calm down once they realised none of the monitors were going off and I wasn’t dying. 

“You pressed the emergency button?” One of them asked Rhodey.

“Yes, where is Dr Bently?”

“I’m right here.” I heard Dr Bently say as he entered the room, “what is the problem?” He asked as he came to my side and began reading the various machines around me.

“Tony’s finger moved. I was holding his hand and I felt it move.”

I could just see Dr Bently’s face out of the corner of my eye and if I had to summarise how it looked in one word, it would be ‘sceptical’. 

“Now can you describe exactly what you meant when you say “moved”?” Dr Bently asked him as he went to the other side of the bed. I felt as he picked up the arm that Rhodey had previously been holding.

“Mr Stark, can you see if you can do it again?” I knew that Dr Bently meant well but the tone of his voice was putting my back up. He sounded as if what Rhodey had said was impossible and there was no way in hell that I could do it again. The worst thing was, he was probably right because I had no idea what I had done the first time. 

Closing my eyes, I concentrated on my hand and visualised myself moving it. I imagined the softness of Dr Bently’s pudgy hands and the cold clamminess I always thought they would be. I even imagined what it would feel like if Dr Bently were to grasp my hand firmly as if he were shaking it. Sending all of my energy down to my fingers, I tried my best to get them to move.

“In your own time.” Dr Bently said, interrupting my thoughts.

Before I could even get back into the right headspace to try and make my fingers move, Dr Bently spoke again. “you can relax now. I think what you experienced Mr Rhodes, was a nerve twitch. As I’ve said, it is very common.”

In one swift sentence, Dr Bently had poured cold water over the whole thing and from the way Rhodey’s shoulders slumped, I knew he felt the same. 

“But I felt them move, they didn’t just twitch. Plus, he felt the pain in his legs when he did the physio. Surely this all means something?” Rhodey tried, he sounded as if he were floundering and looking for something to cling to. 

“Of course it does Mr Rhodes. This is all going the right way, I just don’t want you to pin your hopes onto something so small. Nerve twitches are also common in many coma patients, and as I’ve said before, this is not a guarantee that Mr Stark will regain mobility.”

“Surely if his body can twitch, then it will eventually be able to move?”

“Possibly yes. As harsh as this sounds Mr Rhodes, it is my job to manage your expectations. I don’t want to give either you or Mr Stark false hope. The journey ahead will be long and hard, but Mr Stark is alive and responding to pain. We’ve already overcome the most challenging part.”

“He will walk again.” Rhodey said it with such conviction that even I believed him. 

“That is what we are all hoping for and working towards.” Dr Bently said, remaining well and truly on the medical fence.

I felt as Dr Bently placed my arm back down onto the bed and then heard the click as he brought the side railing back up into place.

“Now Mr Stark,” Dr Bently said louder than necessary whilst bringing his face too close to mine. “we have some more physio booked for you, so we will be working round the clock to make sure we can get you into the best form possible.”

Without the tablet in front of me, the only option I had was to blink and hope that he would understand. He seemed to be satisfied because he withdrew and turned to face Rhodey again.

“If anything happens again like that, then let us know immediately, but please try to remember that nothing is guaranteed at this stage.” Dr Bently told Rhodey before he left and was followed by the rest of the nurses and doctors. 

Once we were alone, Rhodey unclipped the side and resumed his previous position with my hand back in his lap.

“I know he is meant to be the best, but what a dick.” Rhodey said.

I wanted to laugh and tell him that I agreed. I didn’t think Dr Bently was saying it because he was trying to be a dick, I think he was trying to cover his own arse. No one would want the heat that would follow giving Rhodey incorrect information. Too many doctors had been sued for the things they had said, my guess was that he didn’t want to join the list.

“I’ve let you down Tony, but believe me when I say this, FRI will be installed and I’m going to do everything I can to get you up and moving again.” Rhodey said, looking me dead in the eye.

I blinked twice in acknowledgement of what he said, and I was given a small smile in return. Rhodey’s mouth opened as if he were about to say something but he was interrupted by the sound of the door banging open. The noise caused Rhodey to jump to his feet in a defensive stance before he saw who it was and his whole body relaxed.

“I got here as soon as I could,” Bucky panted, “what happened? Where are the doctors? I was told the emergency button was pressed.”

“They didn’t think it was an emergency,” Rhodey told him as he resumed his previous position next to me, as he spoke, I could hear the bitterness in his voice.

“What do you mean? What happened?” Bucky asked as he walked to the other side of me.

“Tony moved his finger-“

“-that’s fantas-“

“-they said it doesn’t mean anything.” Rhodey said before Bucky had the chance to finish his sentence.

“How can it mean nothing? He has gone from not being able to do anything, to moving a finger. Surely it means something.” Bucky’s voice as getting angrier the more he spoke.

“That’s what I said but they just kept telling me to not get my hopes up and not to look into it.”

“Isn’t it their job to be helping. Not trying to destroy any good news.” Bucky was now gripping the bed rail and I could hear the creaking as his grip got tighter. 

“I know, but we both know that Tony will get through this and then they will eat their words.” Rhodey reasoned. “I’d let go off that bar before it snaps.” He added.

“Sorry,” Bucky mumbled as he pulled his hands away as if burnt. “Did they say what would happen now?”

“Just that we would continue with the physio and see how it goes.”

Bucky’s eyes went from Rhodey to me, and when he saw that Rhodey wasn’t looking at either of us, he mimed the words, “has he told you?” Checking that Rhodey still wasn’t looking, I quickly blinked twice and watched as Bucky smiled widely before giving me a slight nod.

“I don’t care what they say, this is proof that Tony is going to get better.” Rhodey said.

“Banner is making progress, so maybe this is all happening exactly when it should.” As soon as the words left Bucky’s mouth, his eyes widened slightly as if he hadn’t meant it and Rhodey glared at him.

Rhodey went from looking at Rhodey, to looking at me. He seemed conflicted and I braced myself for another betrayal that they had been keeping from me. Another secret that I wasn’t allowed to be party to.

“I swore to tell you the truth, so I am, but we were waiting for confirmation before filling you in.” Rhodey said and he seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “We’ve been working on a modified serum, something that would help your body heal. Progress has been slow, painfully slow. We started work on it the second you were in a coma and we’ve not had much luck with stabilising it. If you had been awake, you probably would have solved the problems we’ve faced in no time.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to let it slip,” Bucky said sheepishly, “we wanted to tell you once we got it working, we didn’t want to dangle a carrot in front of you that you might not ever get.” He explained.

I could tell from their faces that they expected me to be angry or upset, but I wasn’t. This was the best news I had heard in a while, better than Rhodey telling me about my finger moving. Once FRI was set up, I would be able to work on the formula, provide my own thoughts and start working towards healing. Science was what I knew and it seemed like the perfect solution for my problem. Logically it would take years to heal the natural way, a serum could repair damage that may never have healed naturally. Keeping this from me was something I understood, I knew how unreliable this sort of thing was, it might never be stabilised enough to inject. The thought that I could be so close to having a serum but never close enough, would probably drive me insane, but it was a risk I was willing to take. 

“We’ve run the numbers and if we can get the serum fixed, and if you stick to your physio sessions, then you could regain near 100% mobility. We still don’t know about your arm, but we’re trying everything.” Rhodey told me.

Odds were something I always played with, the odds once the serum was fixed were in my favour. The odds of fixing the serum were probably way less but once I had FRI, I would be able to work on it. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do.

“Once FRI is back online, she will be able to digest all of the work we have done and then you can see for yourself. It has been a long road, I’m just sorry that we kept you in the dark for a lot of it.” Rhodey said.

“We’re all sorry.” Bucky added.

I could tell how sorry they were, but I didn’t care. The only thing running through my head were equations and probabilities. Finally, I had something tangible to hold onto, something that felt more and more like my solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally after what has felt like no time (but was actually ages), I have another chapter completed! 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and like where the story is going. I hope you continue to enjoy on the Fallout Express <3


	9. Chapter 9

“Simulation 952 has resulted in failure.” FRIDAY said, “I’m sorry boss.”

Yet another failure to add to the list, the 952nd to be exact. To say I was frustrated at the complete lack of progress that I had made over the past couple of weeks would be an understatement. The only silver lining to this storm was that FRI had been installed and I was able to use the software to try different theories with the serum, but not one had showed any sign of working. My physio was no better, it was crawling along, and I was yet to make any real progress. I was just able to move the fingers on my left hand, something Callum had been helping me with. Everyone kept telling me how good it was, but being raised to believe nothing less than perfect was acceptable, it was hard to now be failing so hard.

A gentle knock on the door told me that someone was there, I didn’t bother to look, instead I waited for FRIDAY to announce whoever it was like she normally did. My attention was still being held by the results report that FRI had generated for Simulation 952. There was a brief silence before a voice I hadn’t heard since waking broke it.

“Mr Stark sir, is this a good time?” 

My brain seemed to stutter as it tried to process the words in front of me, as well as the words just spoken into the room. Instinct had me wanting to fly off my bed and to the person at the door, but my body was nowhere near that. 

I looked over at the door and saw the person that I risked it all for. The longer I looked at him, the less visible he became as tears filled my eyes. Forgetting the advice of the doctors to not try and speak, my throat sang in pain as I tried to say yes. 

“They thought it would be a good surprise if they didn’t tell you I was coming,” he said, still stood at the threshold as if unsure whether to enter. Whoever ‘they’ were, were right, this was the best surprise that I could have had at the moment. 

“Boss is happy to see you, and wants you to come in,” FRI said for me. “Welcome home Peter.”

I felt my heart clench as he tripped on his way to me and nearly hit the floor. A blush spread over his cheeks and he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly once he reached my side. He might be a neighbourhood hero, but he was still as clumsy as I remembered. 

“Can I hug you? I feel like I should hug you. I’m going to hug you,” he said in one breath as he lent down and held me for longer that was strictly necessary, but I was grateful that he did. I wanted to bring my own arm up and hold him back, tell him how good it was to see him safe and not in the middle of a battleground. 

Once he had pulled away, I used my tablet to ask how the mission was. “It was awesome. At first, they thought it was going to just be a quick thing, because why else would they need me when they have the Winter Solder and the rest of the Avengers. Then when I got the bad guy, who totally didn’t expect me, and we got him, but then found out he was only at the bottom of the pile, and Fury said I had to go undercover. I wanted to say no, but come on, it’s Fury, you don’t say no to Fury. So, then I was helping to be the inside guy and that took so long, and I was the only one who could do it. When I finally met the guy at the top, I was like “hey I’m Spider Man,” and he was all “who?”, which is totally fine because I still took him down. So yeah, it was kinda cool.” Peter said, barely stopping for a breath as he spoke. He was practically vibrating with excitement as he retold his story, it almost reminded me of the first time I flew the Iron Man suit after Afghanistan. 

As if a switch was flicked, Peter fell silent and was looking at me with a serious expression, an expression that had no place being on his normally happy face. I found myself bracing myself for what he was going to say or do. Being in this bed had taught me to always expect the worst when people seemed to be preparing themselves to tell me something. 

“I just wanted to let you know that seeing you in that coma was the scariest things that has ever happened to me, worse than when I thought I was beating Thanos’ army and then kinda wasn’t and nearly got crushed. I, I, know you can be quite closed off when it comes to emotions, but I want you to know that I think of you like a dad. I promise that I’m not going anywhere again until we figure out how to make you better. Even if it means telling Fury no because I will totally do that if you want me to. Do you want me to? Don’t answer now, think about it, but I’ll do it.” 

I knew that he was starting to ramble because he was nervous, just another tick that I had learnt from knowing him. I felt him put his hand in mine and I managed to move my fingers in a faux grip so that he knew my intentions. His words had hit me harder than I would have ever expected, and I could feel the tears threatening to break through again. Part of me never wanted to label the feelings I had towards Peter, if I kept it purely at mentor and mentee, it meant it was only ever business. But after the snap, I knew that he had meant more to me than that, I just didn’t know exactly what it was. I was too used to keeping people out that I hadn’t even realised how much he had worked his way in. Now though, hearing him say I’m like a dad was the final piece of a jigsaw. I did see him as a son, I was willing to tear the whole world apart just to try and get him back. At the that realisation, I couldn’t stop the dam from breaking and neither could Peter. Suddenly his head was on my chest and he was sobbing into it like a child would to their parent. 

“I think of you as a son,” I managed to say, although it took longer for the software to track my eyes movement given the tears. At my response, I felt Peter cling onto my clothes even tighter as another wave of tears were released. 

That’s how we remained, crying and undisturbed until eventually the door opened. I knew we must have looked a sorry sight, but I couldn’t care less. Peter was half lying on the bed silently crying and from the reflection in the tablet, I could see that my eyes were red and puffy. I had been caught in worse situations in the past and this confessional session was long overdue, as were the tears. 

“Daddy!” Morgan shouted while running to the other side of the bed, her voice caused Peter to jump up and start wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “You’re allowed to cry, Uncle Rhodey says that boys should cry.” Morgan told him, her voice and face far older than her age. 

“She’s right,” I said, using my tablet. 

“I’m not a boy, I’m a man. Spider Man,” Peter tried to joke, his voice still a bit shaky. 

“Sure you are buddy, and I’m Captain America.” Bucky said before laughing slightly, the second he said, ‘Captain America,’ Morgan hissed at him as if she were a cat.

“Captain America is Sam, Sam is cool. You’re not cool, so you can’t be Captain America.” Morgan said.

Bucky gasped as if he were insulted and asked, “I’m not cool?”

“Nah-ah,” Morgan answered. 

With that, Bucky marched around the bed and lifted Morgan up before throwing her upside down over his shoulder and tickling her until the room was filled with her squeals. “Tell me I’m cool.” Bucky shouted over her laughter.

“No!”

“Tell me!”

“NNOOOOO!” she screeched, causing all of us to wince. Bucky seemed to intensify his tickles until it got to much for her and she burst out, “you’re cool!”

“Am I your coolest uncle?”

“Yes!” she screamed and laughed. 

He put her back down on the floor and straightened himself, I noticed the massive grin on his face as he winked at me. “Take that Rhodey! I’m the coolest.” Bucky said while fist bumping the air. 

“Ye, totally cool.” Peter deadpanned.

“Don’t think I won’t do the same to you Spider Boy,” Bucky threatened, pointing his metal finger at Peter. I could tell that Bucky was trying to go for a Winter Soldier look but everyone in the room just started laughing.

“Calm down Snowflake,” I said, and Bucky gave me a big smile when my robotic voice hit his ears. 

“I’m always calm doll.”

“Daddy isn’t a doll,” Morgan protested on my behalf.

“Sure he is, I’m sure if we connected strings to his hand, we could get him to move like those puppets you like.” Bucky said.

I heard Peter snort at the joke, and it took me longer than I wanted but I was able to bend some of my fingers slightly so that only my middle finger remained straight. When Bucky saw it lying on the covers, he gave a sharp laugh before saying, “glad to see you’re using your newfound ability for good.”

“Need to stretch them all,” I said, “make sure they all work.”

“Speaking of stretching, how is the physio going?”

“Okay.” I said, it wasn’t going anywhere near the speed I wanted but I knew that if I voiced my thoughts, I would be in for another lecture about how I needed to be patient. For a guy who did nothing but lie in bed all day, patience was something I didn’t need to be told about. 

“I know it can be a B-I-T-C-H but you’ll get there.” Bucky said.

“I can spell you know, and that’s a bad word!” Morgan told Bucky, half scolding him. “Daddy, Uncle Bucky is naughty, he said a bad word.” She reported to me, as if I hadn’t heard the whole thing. 

“Timeout for Bucky,” I said.

“A minute for every year, so isn’t that about 100 minutes?” Peter asked.

“Very funny squirt. I miss the times you used to get flustered when I would even look at you.”

“I miss when you were actually scary,” Peter hit back.

“I miss when you were on ice.” I added, causing Peter to do a mic drop action and Morgan to giggle.

“You’re so silly,” Morgan said to me before giggling again.

“Oh, I see how it is, everyone just tag teaming me now.” Bucky said in mock outrage. 

“Simulation 953 has resulted in failure.” FRIDAY said, interrupting us. FRI had become good at pre-empting me so that I didn’t even have to ask for things, which is why she answered my question before I even said it, “Dr Banner was running his own simulation sir.” 

“Thanks baby girl.”

“I’m sorry Mr Stark, I mean Tony,” Peter said, correcting himself before I had. 

“Don’t be, only have to get it right once.” I told him, trying to let my robotic words convey more optimism than I was feeling in that moment. With each failure, the chance of success felt like it was decreasing, sure I had experienced knockbacks, but this felt like a knockout. 

“You’ll fix it, you always do,” Morgan said while looking down at me. She must have got onto the stool that was kept next to my bed so that she could climb up and down whenever she wanted. Looking at the pure love I could see in her eyes, I knew I would never stop aspiring to have the level of confidence in me that she did. Maybe one day I would even reach that level. 

“And I’m going to be helping you,” Peter said, giving my hand another gentle squeeze. He was again giving me that look where I couldn’t tell if he was about to start crying. There were way too many emotions swimming around me and with the knowledge of yet another failed simulation running through my head, the only thing I wanted to do was cry. But crying in front of everyone was also the last thing in the world I wanted to do. 

“Is this where I chime in with my own encouraging comment? Because I have used up my daily quota.” Bucky said, thankfully lightening the mood again. That was one with Bucky that I had learnt over these last few weeks, he always knew when I needed help stopping the emotions train. It was like he had a sixth sense for when to throw in a flippant comment that I could latch onto.

“Why are you here again?” I asked, FRIDAY adjusting the robotic tone so that it came out as sarcastic as I had intended.

“Firstly, rude, and secondly, Little Monkey here wanted to see her old man and welcome home daddy long legs.”

“Hey!” Peter exclaimed. 

“All love,” Bucky told him, throwing on a thick Brooklyn accent. 

“Tell me about your day?” I asked Morgan.

“I made you a bracelet to protect you,” she told me, pulling what looked like a pink and yellow friendship bracelet from her pocket. She gave it to Peter, and I felt as he wrapped it around the wrist closer to him. 

“Thank you Morgs,” I said before she lent down to gently kiss my forehead. 

“You can’t ever take it off ‘cos it won’t work if you do.” She told me with her serious face on, for a brief moment I saw Pepper’s serious face looking down at me and I wanted to reach out and hold her close.

“I won’t.” I promised. “Tell me what else you did today.”

Morgan as usual, got excited at the invitation to tell me everything she had been doing, and she settled down on the bed next to me to talk. I felt Peter pick my arm up and place it on his lap so that he could sit on my other side by my hip. Finally, I felt as Bucky sat at the foot of the bed and also listened to Morgan recite a story he was a key part of. Listening to Morgan and feeling the presence of them around me, I was able for the time being to forget about the failures of the day, and instead focus on the successes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnddd I'm back with another chapter, hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> I won't lie, it is probably going to be a while until the next update because of life but I shall be back (hopefully soonish!) :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter around Tony's physio, getting him better one appointment at a time

“Ready for your physio?” Callum asked, placing his bag on the floor near my bed. 

“Yes.” I said through the tablet above my face. 

“Good! We need to start with warming your muscles up.” He pulled the sheets away from my body and to the foot of the bed. By now I knew the drill and I waited as he massaged my legs. I still had phantom feeling which was the real bitch. Sometimes I could swear I felt his hands on my legs, the worse was when I had an itch I couldn’t scratch.

“All warmed up, let’s run through the exercises.”

He took my body through the motions, praising me on how much improvement I was making. It felt like he was talking to a baby that had learnt their first word, I had to stop myself from constantly rolling my eyes at him. Callum was the best in his field but sometimes he acted as if we were a rookie.

“How much more?” I asked. 

As usual he was taking me to the edge where I knew pain was around the corner. He pushed my leg, bending the knee so that he could get it closer to my chest. The pain was starting to curl at the base of my spine like it usually did. Even though the pain would sometimes reduce me to tears, there was a part of me that relished it. I didn’t care what the doctors said, in my eyes, if I could feel some pain, it meant I would soon walk. Being able to feel something was miles better than feeling nothing.

“You know the drill Mr Stark; we can’t rush this.” His tone was light as he straightened the leg and repeated the movement a couple more times before working on the next leg.

My eyes started to glaze over as he worked on my other side. This felt like one of our longer sessions, his running commentary being drowned out by the white noise of pain. After a while, he stretched both of my legs back out straight and I breathed deeply through the pain as it began to fade.

“This will get easier,” he said, the bed rail clicked as he pushed it down, “tell me about the progress you’re making.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him reaching for my arm. “There is none.”

“What about the serum?” My eyes zeroed in on his face, but he was giving nothing away. He seemed to be focused on the task in front of him rather than whatever I was about to say.

“How do you know about that?”

“Overheard some of the doctors talking about it. Given the implications it could have, it would have been nice to have be kept in the loop.” I couldn’t detect any edge to his voice but there was a part of me that was starting to feel uncomfortable. 

“What implications?”

“You will still need me when you have your serum, so I need to plan ahead your sessions as soon as I know your serum is ready for use.”

“We aren’t telling everyone, too many issues.” I kept it short and hoped he could fill any blanks himself. 

If he wanted me to feel bad for not telling him every stage of my recovery plan, then he was going to be bitterly disappointed. Some days I didn’t even want the supposed doctors and scientists working on it to know, let alone Callum. News of a fix-all serum spreading was the last thing we needed, especially because we hadn’t had any successful simulations.

“What did you overhear?” I asked.

“Not much, just that they were trying to go all Captain America on you. Would be pretty good if they could, would be ground-breaking for so many people.”

I had thought about that myself. If the serum could work for me, then maybe we could adapt it so that it would help people around the world. The parents who would never be able to walk or run with their children would be given a miracle. People caged in their chair would finally be set free by one injection. 

“Don’t tell anyone.” I told him. If people knew what we were working on, it could cause a riot. They wouldn’t care about the fact what we were trying to achieve was nearly impossible, they would only view it as the rich protecting the rich. Another example of how untouchable the Avengers were. 

“Of course not Mr Stark, I signed an NDA remember.” 

Instead of answering him, I looked at the screen on my tablet as FRI showed me the camera in the room. It was the best way for me to see exactly what he was doing when he worked on parts of my body that my eyes couldn’t reach. 

“Once you get it all sorted, I want to be here to help.”

“Thank you,” I said, I couldn’t help but wonder why he was suddenly being so chatty. Normally we would go through my sessions, with comments kept to him telling me what he was doing and how much I had improved. He had tried in the last couple of sessions to get me to open up, but it hadn’t worked so he would tell me about himself. The only good thing about it was that sometimes it kept me grounded when the pain got too much. I was able to focus on whatever he said rather than be consumed by pain.

“We are almost done for today, just need to do your other hand.” He said, moving to my other side. 

“How much movement do I have?”

“I’ve already told you Mr Stark, we can’t measure progress in that way.”

“Is that code?” I wanted to ask if it was code for him lying to me about how well I was doing but I was being hit by waves of exhaustion and I couldn’t bring myself to spell it all out. 

“No, it is English for I can’t quantify it like that. Since we started, you’re a lot more flexible, which is good. We are focusing on reducing muscle wastage for when you are able to start walking.”

“Boss, I calculate that your range of movement has remained at a stable level.” FRI said. 

Callum’s eyes seemed to narrow slightly as he said, “I wish she would stop doing that.”

“Why?” I asked suddenly feeling defensive. 

“Because comments like that can make you feel like you’re not doing well. The whole point is that you haven’t got worse, but you will hear the word ‘stable’ and assume it means this is how you will remain. I’m trying to do my best for you Mr Stark.”

“As am I Mr Barkley.” FRI’s tone was short and sharp, making it clear there was no room for discussion. Callum seemed to think the same because his mouth snapped shut and remained that way while he worked.

Once he was finished, he pulled the railing back up and went over to the sink to wash his hands. I thought he was going to pack up and leave like normal, but instead he sat down in the chair near my bed. 

“Have I ever told you about why I got into this line of work?” He asked.

I wanted to tell him that he had but my eyes couldn’t move faster than his mouth. “I wanted a way to work with different people and help them in ways that would change their lives. I’ve always wanted to tell you thank you for what you did all those months ago. You changed the lives of everyone, and me helping you is the only way I know how to say thank you.”

I could feel tears coming to my eyes for another reason now, Callum expressing his thanks was the last thing I expected. He was telling me about all the people I had saved while the only thoughts from that battle I ever had were about the people I couldn’t. About Pepper who was only there to protect me. He wasn’t the one he should be thanking; he should aim those thanks towards people more deserving. 

“I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now, but I thought you had more important things. However, now you’ve got your serum project and you’ll be walking in no time, I wanted to get it off my chest.”

“I’m not close.” I had to lower his expectations; I couldn’t have yet another person placing me on a pedestal only to be disappointed. 

His reply was cut off by the door opening and Peter strolling in, “I got a couple of quest-” he stopped short when he sat Callum sat down.

“Oh sorry, I thought you would have left by now.” Peter said, still frozen mid-step.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just headed out anyway,” Callum told him, he then turned back to me, “you will fix it, you’re Tony Stark. Plus, when you do, I know you will do the right thing and help others with it.” With that he stood up and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’ll see you in a couple of days.” Picking up his things, he gave a final thanks and left us alone. 

“Sorry for interrupting.” Peter said once the door was closed, when he got closer, I noticed he had a StarkPad in his hand.

“Don’t be. What you got?”

A smile broke out on his face as he dropped down in the chair and started to fill me in on the latest developments in the lab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, sorry for taking so long to post this (I have no clue where the time goes). Also this is more world building than main pairing but meh it is a slow build for a reason ;) For anyone reading this who celebrates Thanksgiving, I hope you had a happy one! 
> 
> See you all at the next chapter :)


	11. Chapter 11

“So no closer?” I asked Peter once he had finished running the latest numbers by me.

“I didn’t say that.” Peter said with a slight huff, I could see that he was having to stop his signature eyeroll. 

“What then?”

“We have ruled out more formulas, the more we rule out, the closer we get to the right one.”

“Doesn’t work like that,” my eyes moved quickly across the screen so that I could get the words out. 

“Focus on the positive,” Peter brought his arms to rest on the bed railing, “we’ve been able to pin down some of the chemicals used in Bucky’s serum. Based on the calculations, they’re what we need, but we need to make sure we get the equations right.”

“I know.”

“We’ll figure it out Mr Stark.” I had given up trying to get him to say my first name, so I let it slide.

“I know.” There wasn’t much else I could say, this was a waiting game with a bit of luck thrown in. My mind was already running numbers based on what Peter had told me, cancelling certain ideas that I had been toying with before I had this new information.

The following silence was quickly filled by Peter, I used to be the king of making conversation for conversations sake and Peter was learning to take my throne. Within his rambles he often told me how much he hated his awkwardness. I always wanted to tell him that he should embrace it, that it made him him but I didn’t. The robotic voice of my tablet wouldn’t do it justice.

He stayed with me for a few hours but then was called away by sleep. It took him falling asleep against the railing before he finally agreed to get some rest, but he didn’t leave until he was sure I understood he was leaving to sleep and not because he was bored. 

I wasn’t sure how much time past as I lay in the bed. The lights had dimmed long ago, and I refused to look at the clock. A constant reminder of the time just made me realise how much of it I was losing. It told me how much time had passed since I had last seen Pepper, or last held Morgan. 

Whenever I was alone, I found that the silence would allow me to hear the slightest things. There was the sound of the curtains against the window as the air came out of the vents. The clicking of the clock marking every passing second. On bad days, days where the doctors had been in a rush, I could hear the dripping of the tap in the corner. Those days were always the worse.

Each drip would hit the floor and the sound would vibrate around the cave. The Ten Rings would be thinking of another form of torture to try as they left me soaking on the table. More water would be thrown over me, only to then drip to the ground. The sound would grow louder with each ball of liquid that hit the ground. 

“Boss, your heart rate is rising,” FRIDAY said, “please try and calm down.”

Calm down? I was calm, wasn’t I? Except now lying in this bed, the sound of dripping mixing with my memories, I wasn’t so sure. I was an easy target for them if they came back now. I had nowhere to go and no way of defending myself. 

Was the curtain moving because of the air, or was someone trying to get in through the window? They were coming for me. I could hear them; I could smell them. The dry dusty air was suffocating me, making it hard to breathe. Why wasn’t anyone coming? Where was Rhodey?

FRIDAY’s voice was being blocked out by the white noise filling my ears. Words like “panic” and “calm” were able to slip past the barrier, but I could barely tell where I was, let alone focus enough on the screen to reply. As my eyes closed, I was flooded with more memories. There was the sound of their boots marching towards me, the cave seemed to be shrinking as the thudding got closer and closer. I braced myself, ready to face whatever they wanted to throw at me. 

A hand touched my shoulder making me jump inside, but my body remained motionless. I was too afraid to open my eyes and see who it was. Why couldn’t they understand that I didn’t have any information for them! Silence would only result in more torture but there was nothing else I could give.

“Tony,” the person said, “it’s me, you’re safe.”

They expected me to believe that, but I wouldn’t. I had already believed them once. 

“It’s 2023, New York, you’re safe.”

The voice didn’t stop, it kept repeating the same six words like a mantra. There was a firmness to the voice that made me feel like I could trust them. Slowly I opened my eyes and was temporarily blinded by the harsh lights of the room. As I looked around, I was faced with the hospital room, FRIDAY must have turned the lights to 100 because everything was on show. There were no shadows for them to be hiding in. I was in the room, not the cave. I was safe.

There was a hand on my head, stroking my hair and the voice was still going. Looking over I saw that it was Bucky. Dark circles were under his eyes and they seemed bloodshot. His hair was a mess, like he had been pulling at it and he was wearing pyjamas that were inside out. 

“Thank you Sargent Barnes,” FRI said, “his heart rate is slowly falling back into a normal range.”

My eyes found the screen of my tablet and after a couple of tries I managed to get out, “tap.”

Confusion was evident in Bucky’s eyes but thankfully FRIDAY stopped me from having to explain. “It appears the tap hasn’t been turned off correctly. I think it may have triggered a flashback. I should have noticed sooner.” Guilt was heavy in her voice, I wanted to tell her that I didn’t blame her. 

When Bucky heard what had caused my panic attack, he crashed into the end of the bed in his haste to get to the tap on the other side of the room, “don’t start feeling bad, not your fault.” He said, looking up at the ceiling as he did.

“Sorry.” I said as he checked that the tap was turned all the way off.

“And you definitely don’t have anything to be sorry about.” He threw over his shoulder.

“Overreacted.” I told him, keeping my sentences short.

“Firstly, you didn’t. Secondly, even if you had, you are more than entitled to. You’ve been through enough for ten lifetimes, let alone just one.”

“Woke you.” I said when he was back at my side.

“Nah you didn’t.” Bucky said, his hand moving to scratch the back of his head in his usual nervous tick that he did when caught in a lie. It always amused me that the Winter Soldier was the most feared assassin who could make you believe the sky was green but catch him when he was off guard, and his tells would light up like a Christmas tree. 

“Time?”

“3:15 in the morning.” FRIDAY told us.

I didn’t even have to say anything. I let my eyebrow speak for me and watched as Bucky’s cheeks went slightly red and he looked away. “Okay so Friday woke me up. In my defence I signed up for it, I volunteered to be your emergency contact when Rhodey is unavailable.” He rushed.

“Why? Where’s Rhodey,” I asked, genuinely confused. No one had told me that he had left, and he normally swung by if he was going anywhere. 

“He got called out on a secret mission, wasn’t allowed to tell anyone so couldn’t come down. I was going to tell you at a more reasonable hour,” Bucky said with a slight smile on his face, “if anyone asks, you don’t know why he left.”

“Why volunteer?”

“Out of all of us, I’m the only one who doesn’t have a day job, so it only made sense.”

I briefly thought about his reasoning before saying, “bum.”

“Punk,” he snapped back, his eyes now locked with mine and a big grin on his face. 

Inside I felt like I was matching his expression. I felt like my eyes had wrinkled in the corners and I was smiling so wide that my cheeks hurt. My brain was continuing to sell me dreams. 

“You should sleep.” I said. 

“Nah. I’m a super soldier remember.” He plonked himself down on his chair and lowered the bed railing so that he could rest his arms on the side of the bed.

“Super pain in ass,” I said which caused him to snort a laugh. His eyes roamed over my face before moving down my body. It was as if he were checking me over, making sure nothing was amiss. He got to my waist before he stopped and his whole body seemed to lurch slightly.

“Friday, are you seeing this?” He asked, he sounded almost out of breath as his spoke.

“I have but I have been forbidden from reporting it to the medical team.” Her words were heavy with disapproval, I could even imagine the look she would be giving me if she were a real person.

“What do you mean? Surely they need to come down here and have a look.” He said, still talking to my AI instead of me. Bucky was normally good at not forgetting me, at remembering that despite my lack of ability to do anything, I was still a person. That’s how I knew that whatever he had seen was important. 

Not waiting for them to notice me and tell me what they were discussing, I focused on the corner of my screen until the camera picked up that I wanted to view the CCTV in the room. As soon as it opened my eyes flicked over every square inch trying to pin down what they were referring to. It didn’t take long for me to see it too. 

My right hand which normally lay flat against the bed was now clenched in a fist, the sheets were balled up in my grasp. Now I understood. The most he had seen me do was move my fingers, it was the most anyone had seen me do. He didn’t realise that I had been able to make a proper fist because I hadn’t told him, I hadn’t told anyone. 

It took me a few deep breathes before I was able to centre myself enough so that my hand would unclench. Learning it had taken weeks of determination, weeks of frustrated tears, weeks of effort that could only be shown in making a fucking fist. That was why I didn’t tell anyone, if it was taking me that long to be able to clench my hand like a baby, how long would it take to get the rest of me in order? No. Everyone needed to focus on the serum, that was where my cure was. 

Bucky nearly fell of the chair when he saw my hand flattening back out onto the cover. His eyes widened in wonder and he shot to his feet. 

“Tony, your hand!” The excitement in his voice almost made me feel bad for not telling him. It almost had me apologising to him, until that voice in my head reminded me that it was my sacrifice and my recovery so I could be as selfish as I wanted.

“Boss is aware of the improvement he has made.” FRI said, as always knowing exactly when to speak on my behalf.

“I don’t understand, why haven’t you told any of us?” He looked at my screen and changed it back to the keyboard when he saw I was looking at the CCTV feed. 

I glared at him when he changed it, he knew I hated anyone touching the screen without asking me. It was one of the very few things I could control without needing assistance from anyone. When he saw the steely look I was giving him, he at least had the decency to look ashamed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, lowering himself more slowly into his chair. 

“Private.” Was the only answer I gave him and based on the unimpressed look he was sending my way, he didn’t agree.

“Tony we are here to help, we can’t do that if you don’t tell us everything.” He lent forward and picked up my hand, cradling it between his own.

“I know.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” This time when I looked at his face, he didn’t look angry or annoyed, instead he looked hurt. There was real hurt on his face and this time I did feel bad.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to apologise. You don’t need to be sorry. I just want to know why.”

There was a beat of silence, he looked like he wanted to say something else but then held himself back. I wanted to explain everything in as few words as possible so was busy trying to think of the right ones. 

I was halfway through typing out my sentence when I was interrupted by a distressed sounding FRIDAY, “Sargent Barnes, you’re needed in the kitchen.”

Bucky’s back went ramrod straight and he was immediately on high alert, “why? What is it?”

“It’s Morgan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dunnnnnnn!!!
> 
> I can't believe how much time flies between my chapters. I had wanted this to be Christmas themed given the holidays but then Tony was all "cool story bro" when I started writing and it just didn't happen. I did get to reference a Christmas tree so I guess there is that....
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed this stop on the Fallout Express please ensure you have enough snacks to last the journey until the next stop. 
> 
> Happy holidays and a Happy New Year to you all!!


	12. Chapter 12

My heart clenched as Bucky raced out of the room to do something I should be doing. It was my job to rush to her side, to help her in whatever way I could. 

“Fill me in,” I commanded FRIDAY.

“I’m so sorry boss, Morgan has fallen off the counter in the kitchen. Initial scans indicate a broken ulna. Sargent Barnes is with her now.”

“Show me.”

It didn’t take long for the CCTV feed to load on my screen and what I saw brought tears to my eyes. Morgan was crying so hard she seemed unable to speak. Her face red as she clung onto Bucky. He was rubbing small circles on her back as he held her. The injured arm lay between them as he began to carry her out of the kitchen.

“Sargent is taking them to medical.” 

I didn’t have to tell FRI to show me, she made sure I was able to follow them every step until they were down on my floor. Guilt almost consumed me as I heard them enter medical. Morgan’s screams were loud enough to pierce through the walls around me. There were the faint whispers from Bucky, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Then came the pounding of feet as the staff on duty ran to assist. 

“I want my daddy.” Was shouted, and if I could speak the room would have been filled with my chocked sob. Hearing her through the walls was bad enough, but knowing she was calling for me, hearing the desperation in her voice was too much. She didn’t stop her cries, not even when they had given her painkillers. All she kept screaming for was me and there was nothing I could do.

“Bring her.” I told FRIDAY.

“I’m really sorry boss but that isn’t possible right now. She needs to have an x-ray and then her arm must be put in a cast. As soon as she is finished, I will have Sargent Barnes bring her here.” I could hear the sympathy in her voice, but it did nothing to help my emotions. 

A crazy idea sprung to mind, one that I was led to by the calls from Morgan. “Serum stage?” I asked.

I was met by silence; I knew FRI had heard me but was choosing to not reply.

“Boss I don’t thi-“

“Stage.” I interrupted, using my direct override command button. A button I had had the foresight of including in case there was ever anything I needed to use it for in the future. 

“The past 1289 simulations have all proved fatal. The serum is currently marked as unsafe for human tests.” Her voice was emotionless as she relayed the facts.

“Chance of success?” 

“Currently stands at five percent”

Five percent was slim but I had survived worst odds. At least this would give me a chance to be with her, it would at last get me out of this godforsaken bed. 

“Please don’t do this.” FRI said, she sounded distraught, “I know what you’re thinking boss, but it won’t work. Then I would lose you, I have no purpose without you. You are my creator, please, reconsider.” She begged. 

I considered her words for a while, but the continued screams of Morgan quickly silenced any concerns I had. FRIDAY would have Morgan if anything were to happen, that was assuming I would die. If I was able to survive family, terrorists and aliens trying to kill me, I refused to let anything else succeed. 

My eyes went between the feed of Morgan, now on a bed with Bucky next to her, to the keyboard. As I looked at both halves of the screen, I noticed that Bucky was now stood up tall, a position he only took when he was on guard, or when FRIDAY was talking to him. As fast as I could I used my eyes to type.

“Lockdown.”

The click of the locks being engaged was followed by the thud of a body hitting the door and then a curse. 

“Tony, open this door,” Bucky shouted, pounding his fist against it. “I will break this door down and stop them from putting in a new one if I have to.” He threatened. 

“It is estimated it will take Sargent Barnes precisely two minutes and forty-three seconds to break the door.” FRIDAY told me.

Fuck. Why wasn’t the door super soldier proof?

“Open.” I said.

Bucky must have been pushing heavily on the door because he practically fell straight into the room when the locks were disengaged. 

“What the fuck are you thinking?” He asked, anger clear in his voice and on his face. “five percent, five fucking percent and you want to inject it.” He was shouting at me by the end.

I wanted to tell him to fuck off, that this didn’t concern him. He had no idea what was going through my mind. He had no right to come in and lecture me, walk me through numbers like it wasn’t me working on the serum in the first place. He shouldn’t even be here. He should be off time travelling with his traitor of a friend. 

I didn’t tell him any of that though.

“Be with Morgan.” I said instead of the thoughts in my head.

“I would be if her insane dad wasn’t trying to kill himself.” He said through clenched teeth.

“Go.”

“Not until you tell me what the fuck you’re thinking.” He pauses, pulls at his hair and shouts out in frustration. When he looks at me again there are tears in his eyes, “what were you thinking? I-we can’t lose you.” Gone was the anger, replaced by a sadness I wasn’t expecting.

“She needs me.”

“Alive. She needs you alive.” I said, he came closer and held onto the bar of the bed.

“She’s calling me.” I said, trying to get him to understand a fraction of my thought process.

“She is hurt, once the arm is in a cast, she will be here with you. She wants her dad to hold her, how the hell can you do that if you’re dead?”

“Can’t hold her now either.” 

His shoulders slumped as the words hit him, “Tony-”, he cut himself off. “You can’t hold her now, but you will.” He said, voice softer.

“When?” I asked, “when it’s too late?”

“Tony-”

“Go to Morgan.” I said. He looked like he wanted to argue but nodded sharply and left. I watched on the screen as he went back to her side. She seemed a lot calmer now, her screams had stopped, and she was watching as they put her arm in a cast.

I knew he was right; I was being reckless. I let my emotions override everything else, again. But I was also right. I was unprepared if something were to happen to us. I needed a way to help them. 

More scenarios and potential solutions were running through my mind. There was something I could do but I couldn’t let anyone else know, I would have to use the override code again. Something I knew FRIDAY disapproved of but that didn’t matter right now.

“You told him.” I said to FRIDAY.

“My primary function is to protect you; I estimated a high chance of failure with catastrophic results. Therefore, primary protocols were engaged.” There was no sassiness in her voice, instead it was cold and clinical as she delivered the facts. 

“Override Initiated.”

“No, Boss, please. Whatever you’re planning, I’m sure there is another way.” Her emotions were back as soon as there was a prospect of me doing something stupid. The problem was, I was always doing something stupid.

“A copy of the latest serum at any given time shall remain hidden in this room, ready for use. Iron Man Mark XV will remain stationed in the corner of this room, ready for use. You are forbidden from telling anyone about this. No override code will supersede my order. The only person who can authorise the deployment of Mark XV, is me. The only person who can authorise the use of the serum, is me. The serum will remain hidden inside Mark XV. You will engage with the most reliable doctor who will update the serum when changes are made. This doctor is to sign an NDA.” It took me a solid ten minutes, if not more, to get it all out but I had to. I didn’t want to leave any room for debate, there could be no room for FRIDAY to accidently on purpose misinterpret what I had said. 

“Understood.” 

I didn’t care that she thought what I was doing was dangerous. No one ever listened to me when I told them a danger was coming, yet I was always proved right. We were always unprepared. Being unprepared cost lives and I was ok with risking mine one more time if it meant I had the chance to save Morgan’s. 

“Morgan is requesting entrance.” FRIDAY was being difficult on purpose, to show me how much she disapproved of the override. 

“Yes.”

The door opened and Morgan ran to the side of my bed. She waited for Bucky to pick her up and place her in her spot at my side. Carefully she placed her good hand in mine and with some concentration I was able to gently curl my fingers in a faux grip with hers. The smile I was rewarded with was worth the headache my efforts had caused. 

“I broke my arm.” She said, holding her cast in my face as evidence. “I climbed on the counter when I wasn’t supposed to.”

“You broke the rules.” I said.

“But you said Stark’s never follow rules,” she replied, followed by a cheeky giggle. 

Bucky snorted and I shot him a look that I hoped read as ‘don’t even say it.’ It must have been close because he held his hands up in a mock surrender. 

“What were you doing?” I asked.

“I wanted to use mummy’s mug. But then I slipped and, and, and the mug broke,” her voice was breaking as she began to cry. “I want my mummy!” Now she was bawling her eyes out and burying her face into the side of my neck, her cast arm around my front.

My arms remained motionless next to me and I could feel my own tears begin to flow. I couldn’t even put my arm around my daughter as she cried in my arms. I couldn’t even tell her not to cry, that it would be ok. I couldn’t do anything which made me cry harder.

Bucky moved and at first, I thought he was going to leave us, but he didn’t. He came closer until he was within touching distance. Slowly, and watching my face the whole time, he lifted my arm. When he got no reaction, he bent it so that it could be placed on top of Morgan. Whilst I couldn’t feel her in the way I should, I could feel the pressure of her on my body and I could move my fingers in a way that looked like an embrace. Morgan didn’t seem to care that it took Bucky to move my arm for us to be here, she just seemed grateful to have my arm around her. 

Morgan continued to cry, and I tried to send her words of love through my tablet. Some got through but a lot weren’t picked up because of my tears blocking the tracker. Either way it didn’t matter because she soon cried herself to the point of exhaustion. 

The silence spread out, only interrupted by her gentle snores until I finally decided to say what I should have said a while ago.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Bucky said.

“I was stupid.”

“I know,” I wanted to be annoyed at how quickly he agreed but I couldn’t, “but I understand.” 

“I’m scared,” I admitted.

He pulled his chair closer and ran his flesh hand through my hair. There were too many emotions on his face, I couldn’t work out how he was feeling. 

“We’re all scared Tony.” He said, “but what scares us the most is losing you for good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I will stop with the angst, that day is not today. I try and create a happy chapter but then the characters write themselves and before you know it everyone is crying. Safe to say this chapter did not end how it was supposed to but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. 
> 
> I know it has been a long road, and I won't lie, we have a long road still ahead. However, we are slowly getting traction and things should speed up...assuming the characters play nicely.
> 
> Until next time :D 
> 
> (also thank you to everyone who has been following this with me, I really appreciate all the comments/love because it is really hard/scary trying to stay true to a character, while changing them and then posting it for strangers to judge! <3 <3 <3)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff fluff chapter, thought we all could do with a nice break on the angst train.

Morgan was still sleeping in my arms, and after a lot of bargaining, Bucky had finally gone back to bed. He had left we with strict instructions to not do anything stupid, and FRIDAY with even stricter instructions to call him the second a) I even thought of doing something stupid, and b) there was a hint of danger. The instructions weren’t really needed because I wasn’t going to do anything stupid. Well at the moment anyway. I couldn’t outright exclude future me doing something stupid. 

If I could have Morgan in my arms all day, then I think her love could cure me. Hours felt like minutes when it was just us alone. Looking into her face that was so much me, but so much Pep. A perfect mix of us both. Morgan was too old for her age, her childhood just a routine of hospital visits and stand-in guardians. Everything I was doing was all to put a smile back on her face. Not the smile she showed everyone, but the one she reserved for me and Pep when it was just us three living in the woods. 

Some time went by and I continued to move from looking down at her, to us on the screen. Breathing in deeply so that I could hold onto her smell for longer. She began to shift in my arms until I looked down and was met with matching brown eyes.

“I fell asleep,” her voice was heavy with sleep and was followed by a yawn. She looked up at me with a small smile before resting her head back on my chest, “I don’t want to get up.”

“How is your arm?” I asked. 

She held it out in front of her before letting it rest on me again, “fine, it doesn’t hurt.” Her voice was small and muffled, “I’m gonna get everyone to sign it. Even you.”

“Uncle Rhodey can sign for me.”

Using my body as a bounce board, she pushed herself up so that she was leaning on her arms and looking at me. My arm that was around her began to slip off, so she reached round and grabbed it, pulling it back in place as if it were a wayward scarf. 

“No, you.”

“Morgs, I ca-”

“Don’t worry daddy,” she said, cutting my protests off. I waited, expecting her to say something else, but she didn’t. She just looked at me, her head titled to one side, hair falling down her back and a small knowing smile on her face. 

“Why are you so wise?” I asked.

Her smile grew wider and she said, “duh! Because mummy was the smartest person evvveeaaa.”

“She sure was.”

“Mummy told me a secret once,” Morgan whispered, leaning slightly closer to me.

“What was it?”

“It’s a secret,” she giggled, “I can’t tell,” she drew her hand across her lips like she was zipping them closed.

“Not even to me?”

“Nuh-uh.” She said, moving her head from side to side as she spoke.

“I’m hurt,” FRI altered the tone so that it came out in the joking way Morgan was used to from me.

Morgan covered her mouth with her good hand and giggled before saying, “I can tell you but only when you sign my cast.”

“Pinky promise?”

Shifting in her position, she lent over my body to my bad hand. I could see on the screen that she had wrapped her pinky around mine, “pinky promise,” she said.

“Deal,” I said, and she smiled, letting go of my finger and resuming her previous position. 

“Uncle Bucky didn’t know what a pinky promise was,” she said while playing with the edge of the blanket. 

“Does he know what this decade is?”

Morgan began to giggle again, “you’re silly.” 

“Not as silly as you.” I said.

“You’re sillier.”

“You’re the silliest.”

“You’re the King of Silly.” She declared.

“You rule the silly-verse.” That caused Morgan to start laughing even more as she curled up under my chin again, her hair tickling my nose. 

“I can’t wait until you’re better,” she whispered, I wasn’t sure if she intended for me to hear her. 

I watched as she used her good hand to hold onto my hand that was still wrapped around her. Her smaller fingers gripped onto my larger ones as if she were afraid I would disappear. 

“I’m going back to sleep now.” She yawned, pulling the blanket up higher.

The room was soon filled with her soft snores and it was like music to my ears. I was content to watch us on the screen for as long as I could keep my eyes open, which is exactly what I did. 

The next thing I registered was the sound of talking next to me and when I cracked one eye open, I saw that it was a well-rested Bucky. 

“Sleeping beauty has risen,” he said with a small smile when he saw me wake up.

I answered with an eye roll and asked FRI how long I was out for.

“Six hours boss, scans indicate that it was one of your best sleeps to date.”

“Maybe Morgan should sleep here more often,” Bucky suggested. 

“Can I? Can I? Can I?” Morgan asked, telling me she was awake as she practically vibrated next to me.

“You could have sleepovers,” Bucky said.

“Yeah, sleepovers would be really fun, like Uncle Bucky has.” She said innocently. 

Bucky almost chokes on his tongue as my eyes snapped to him. His face was flushed, and his mouth was doing a good fish impression. There was a weird feeling in my stomach at the idea of him with others. Logically I had no reason to care, he didn’t owe me anything, he was just helping me out. He was entitled to his own life, to meet and sleepover with anyone. Yet that feeling wouldn’t budge. Maybe it was because I was so used to him being here that I never thought he had time for others. Or maybe it was jealousy at his ability to go out while I was stuck here.

“Sleepovers with Sam,” Bucky said which was a shocker. I never knew Sam swung that way, not that I had any problem it.

“I’m happy for you.” I said.

“No, wait, not like that,” Bucky was tripping over his words, his flesh hand now in his hair. “Sam has been helping with my PTSD, some nights are bad, and I need someone. It’s not the way you’re thinking between us. We aren’t having those types of sleepover.” It almost felt like he was explaining himself to me, justifying his actions, which also didn’t make sense. He had no need to explain anything to me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “PTSD is a B-I-T-C-H,” I added, taking the time to spell the letters so that Morgan wouldn’t be able to know what I had said. 

“You’re telling me,” Bucky huffed.

“If Sam is busy, you can come here,” I don’t know what made me offer but the answering smile unlocked something inside me that made me glad I did. 

“Thank you Tony, that means a lot.”

“Least I can do.”

“What about my sleepover?” Morgan asked, clearly bored of the change in conversation. She moved so that her face was all I could see.

“Little monkey let him look at the tablet so he can answer,” Bucky said, standing so that he could tickle her and make her laugh. 

“Yes,” I said once I had access to the screen. 

“Yay!” She cheered, “Uncle Bucky are you going to join us?”

“How did I get roped into this?” He asked.

“Because you’re my favouritest uncle…besides uncle Rhodey...and uncle Happy.”

“Nice to hear how far up I come,” he joked.

“Well someone has to come last.” I said.

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” He said with a straight face, which he held for all of two seconds before he grinned, “monkey, it would be my pleasure to come to your sleepover.” He added, directing his smile at my number one girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm trying to keep to a strict writing schedule and post more frequently (one of my NY resolutions so fingers crossed).
> 
> Until next time!!


	14. Chapter 14

As soon as Morgan and Bucky had left, I ordered FRIDAY to have the suit sent down. She told me that it would take a couple of days to vet the scientists and choose one who would be able to carry out my tasks. I was patient though, I had nothing but time now. Which is how I found myself staring at the expressionless mask of my own suit as it stood guard in the corner. 

FRI had given up trying to change my mind. The more she tried, the more adamant I became. There was nothing that would stand between me and what I knew was coming. The sound of the door opening drew my eyes away from the suit and to Callum.

“Ready for me?” He asked in a voice that was way too cheery for my liking. 

I was a little confused as to why he was there at first. I felt like I had only just had a session with him and our next wasn’t going to be for a few more days yet. Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part. 

“I’m thinking that we try and work on your leg flexibility today. We have some slight muscle wastage, which is of course to be expected. Doesn’t mean we can’t still wor- oh my god!” He jumped as he noticed the suit standing in the corner. It was almost comical the way he half shrieked.

“Mr Barkley say hello to Mark XV” FRIDAY said, based on the amusement in her voice, I would bet that she also enjoyed his reaction. There was no hiding her dislike for Callum and she seemed to take any opportunity to prank him.

Maybe having this suit could be more fun than I expected if it meant I could scare people. The controls for it were on my tablet so I instructed the suit to wave at Callum, which resulted in him screaming and jumping back. 

“I didn’t know there was someone in it,” he said, one hand over his chest, the other on the bedrail. Slowly he let go of the bed and walked back to the suit, waving a hand in front of the faceplate he said, “hey.”

He was met with silence before FRIDAY put him out of his misery, “there is no one inside the suit.”

Callum looked confused, “then what is the point in having it?”

“I am capable of controlling all of bosses’ suits. Therefore, we do not require anyone to manually operate it.” She lied; we had agreed to not let anyone know that I had control of it.

He seemed satisfied with the response because he left the suit alone and turned back to me. He went back to his discarded bag and began pulling out a bottle of oil.

“I’ve got a new oil for us to try. I’ve tried it on some other patients with some positive results.” He said as he placed the bottle on the table next to the bed. From where I lay, I was unable to view it, so I waited for him to tell me more about it. 

“It is a slightly heated oil that is activated when it is rubbed into your skin.” He said, bent over and still rummaging through his bag. “This oil is good for stimulating muscles and nerves, are you happy for me to use it?” 

I thought about it briefly before agreeing to him using it, if he said it was good then I would at least try it. He moved in silence as he came to stand next to the bed and the room was filled with the sound of him lowering the bed rail and moving the sheet off me.

“I’m just going to roll your gown up like normal,” he told me. 

My tablet had an image of Morgan with Pepper and I focused on that instead of what he was doing. I had started to hate the sight of my legs. They were ugly with sharp angles and constant reminders of my failings. 

“How have you been Tony?” Callum asked, he had started to rub the oil into my legs and the force was causing me to move from side to side with each rub.

FRIDAY put the keyboard back on my screen and I said, “usual, still not walking.”

“Tony,” his tone as disappointed and he almost had a kicked puppy expression. I couldn’t deal with another person around me that looked like that.

“Joke,” I quickly typed out. 

“You shouldn’t joke about that,” he said, shaking his head.

“I’m allowed to joke.”

“I know, of course. You should just stick to more positive things.” He said, “negative jokes like that can have a huge impact on your mental health.”

“Don’t start,” I told him, I knew exactly what road he was about to go down. He had lectured me in the past about the power of positive thinking. Part of me was surprised that he hadn’t planted a bunch of crystals around my bed. But given my history with stones, it was probably for the best that he hadn’t. 

“I’m not asking you to believe in it, just keep an open mind.”

“I’ve travelled time, can’t get more open.”

He laughed at that and gave me a wide smile, showing off his dimples. Seeing the way his face lit up when he laughed, all I could think about was how man females he must have falling at his feet. With his boy next door charm and huge muscles, he must have a long queue of them. I immediately hated myself for thinking it because he reminded me of a certain blond that I wanted to forget, and that just made me angry.

“True, you got me there Tony,” he said before walking around the bed and moving to the other side. He bent forward and started to apply the oil to my other leg.

“Are we doing the same leg exercises today?” I asked, I wanted to mentally prepare myself while he was oiling my legs. I need to build up my mental walls if I was going to get through the session.

“Yes, we need to keep on top of that.” He looked like he was going to say more but the door opening stopped him.

“What’s going on here?” Bucky said, he sounded angry and his arms were crossed. His face was flicking between a fuming Bucky and the Soldier.

“You’re interrupting our physio session,” Callum said, but his tone was defensive and his light expression from before was now guarded. 

“I know what I should be interrupting, but that doesn’t seem to be what this is.”

“He is using a new oil,” I said, trying to defuse a situation that I wasn’t even sure I understood. 

“I have to rub it into his muscles,” Callum said, sounding defensive. 

“And that includes his crotch?” 

“My what?”

Bucky looked from me to Callum and then down to where Callum’s hands were. “Callum, please give me and Tony the room.” 

“I have to finish this.”

“What you have to do is explain what the hell I’ve just walked in on.” Bucky took a threatening step forward and for a second even I was scared. 

“Can someone fill me in?”

“He was rubbing your crotch-”

“His groin,” Callum interrupted.

“-to the point that you have an erection.”

That stumped me. Of all the things I was expecting, that wasn’t it. Nope, not even close to what was running through my head. I didn’t even know what to say. I had an erection, he was touching further up my leg than I thought, and I had an erection. A thought suddenly hit me, and I opened my mouth to speak, forgetting the painful reason why I couldn’t talk. A burning pain ripped through my throat and I winced in pain, closing my eyes and willing it to go away. Tears collected in the corner of my eyes until there were too many and they began to spill down my cheeks.

“Tony,” Buck said, running to my side, “breathe, use your tablet, not your voice. Just breathe.” He was speaking softly in my ear and I thought he was stroking my hair, but it was hard to tell through the pain. 

After a while, the pain subsided enough for me to open my eyes, I looked at the tablet and typed out what I wanted to say, “my dick works.”

Bucky snorted and put his forehead on my shoulder as he briefly laughed before pulling away and turning a cold glare back at Callum. It was seriously scary the way he could turn it on. “Time for you to leave,” Bucky told him.

“I’m not going.” Callum had balls and if I wasn’t so confused, I might even admire them. Right now, though, I needed answers. I couldn’t tell if Callum had taken advantage of his position, or if this was a big misunderstanding. I needed to know if I should be angry damnit. 

“If you know what is good for you, you will let me speak to Tony. Alone.” Bucky left no room for argument and went back to looking at me. Callum started to splutter in anger and then turned to be, no doubt about to argue his case.

“Wait outside.” I said before he had the chance to speak. 

“Okay, I’ll be outside,” Callum stepped away from me but before he went, he said “that was your bodies natural reaction to stimulation in that area. This is a good sign because it means spinal injury wasn’t as bad as first feared.”

“Since when did you become a doctor?” Bucky asked, “just get out.”

Callum left the room without responding to Bucky and Bucky ignored him as he left. Once we were alone, he reached across my body for the sheet. He pulled it across me and tucked the sheet in around the sides. For some reason it made me wonder how many times he was doing this for Morgan. 

“Thank you,” I said, thanking him for a lot more than he would know. 

“Don’t thank me, it’s nothing,” Bucky said. 

“What happened?”

“He was basically giving you a hand job.”

“No he wasn’t.” I said. I refused to believe that without some form of evidence, there was no way the guy would have been so bold. 

“Ms Friday had to call me down because she was worried.” Bucky levelled me with a flat look. 

“She didn’t say anything.”

“If I may,” FRI said, “I asked Sargent Barnes to come down as I was unsure of the protocol with this type of treatment.”

“And I can confirm that it was against protocol,” Bucky said, shaking his head in anger.

“Show me.” I told them.

I wasn’t prepared to pass judgement until I had seen what Callum had done. As much as the guy rubbed me the wrong way, he was at least getting results. Within seconds FRI had put the CCTV on my screen and I watched as Callum worked the oil into my leg. I could see my body start to react in the video and a part of me loved it. I thought everything was dead down there so it was fascinating to watch it still work. 

Callum started to move higher and higher up my leg until he was working in the groin area. I could understand Bucky and FRI’s point about whether or not he was being appropriate, but from this angle he genuinely did look like he was massaging the groin muscles. Bucky of all people should know that sometimes these sessions got uncomfortably intimate. 

“It’s my groin.”

“It’s a liberty,” he said without missing a beat.

“Calm down papa bear.” I said and it worked to crack his icy exterior because he gifted me with a small smile. 

“Let me see it,” he said. FRIDAY projected the same footage on the nearest wall, and we waited in silence as he reviewed it. Once he was done, he hung his head and I saw his cheeks warm, “maybe I was wrong in my assessment.” He admitted quietly, I almost had to strain to hear him.

“You were impressive.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I sometimes get overprotective of everyone.”

“It’s fine, thank you.”

He nodded, his eyes still avoiding mine. I had seen signs that he was suffering from PTSD, and with his history, it was probably the least of his problems. His over-protectiveness explained why he was always hovering around my door and popping in. I had assumed it was because he liked me and wanted to be my friend. I should have known it was just a manifestation of his disorder. 

“Tony,” he said, eyes trained on the other side of the room, “since when did you have a suit down here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm (almost) sticking to my own writing goals so hopefully we will get some pace with the story now!


	15. Chapter 15

“Tony, don’t just ignore me.” Bucky said, walking around the bed to look at the suit, “why do I feel like you’re planning something crazy?”

“Because you know me.”

Bucky looked over his shoulder at me and said, “I’m being serious.”

“It’s for protection.” I said.

“I thought I was your protection,” he joked as he returned to my side, sitting down on the chair.

“My suit’s faster.”

He looked at me, his eyes seemed to scan my face. He reached his hand out as if to touch my hair, but he paused, hand outstretched before letting it fall onto the bed. 

“This had better not be part of another stupid plan,” he said, “but I know you, so I know it is.”

“Do you trust me?” I asked, locking eyes with him. 

“You know I do, which is why the only thing I’m going to ask, is that you stay alive.”

“If I don’t, there won’t be anyone to worry you.” I joked, trying to lighten the mood again.

He laughed before saying, “if I could get grey hairs, you would have given me more than my fair share of them.”

“Show off.” 

“Sorry Dr Pepper,” he laughed, this time he did reach up and touch my hair, giving my head a good rub before pulling away again.

“I think Callum should come back,” I said, “need to finish our session.” The sooner he came back, the sooner our physio would be done for the day. 

The mention of Callum had Bucky blushing again, and he looked away from me as he said “Ms Friday, can you ask him to come back in please?"

Callum must have been stood right outside because no sooner had Bucky asked, the door opened, and Callum walked in. He had a cocky expression as he looked down at Bucky, he looked like someone who knew they were in the right. 

“I owe you an apology,” Bucky said, looking up at Callum, “I misread the situation and I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong.”

Callum seemed to ponder the apology for a while before finally saying, “well that’s big of you and I thank you. I understand you only want the best for Tony, but so do I. After all, I’m paid to get him better.” The comment from Callum eased the tension in the room and Bucky gave him a small smile and nod. 

“Friday, anything to add?” The software made it come out as a question, but it wasn’t my intention. FRIDAY would know exactly what I was alluding to. 

“I’m sorry Sir, it seems my commun-ication coding is cu-rren-tly malfun-ctioning. I will immediately run a diag-nostic and prov-ide you with the result-s.” She said, adding flare to her lie by making her voice cut in and out. 

Bucky ducked his head to try and cover up the grin he was now sporting, and Callum simply raised his eyebrow before shaking his head slightly.

“Perform updates,” I said, knowing full well that none were required.

“O-f cour-se bos-s.”

“Tony, would you like Bucky to remain in the room?” Callum asked me. I knew he wanted me to say no and judging by the intense look Bucky was directing at Callum, Bucky wanted me to say yes.

Not wanting to offend either of them, I stayed perched on the fence, “it’s up to Bucky if-”

“Yes.” Bucky said before the tablet had finished speaking for me. 

“In that case, please make sure you observe and let us run through everything like normal.” Callum said.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Bucky said way too innocently to be anything but a lie. 

I was proven right less than ten minutes later when Bucky started questioning everything that Callum was doing. He wanted to know why one exercise was used instead of another, why he would hold my leg in one place for longer than another. All valid questions for someone who was interested in this sort of thing, I just didn’t know that Bucky was that interested. 

“If you want, we can arrange time to go over the programme when I’m not in the middle of it?” Callum offered, although it seemed from his tone that he was only offering in the hopes to shut Bucky up.

“No, I learn by watching,” Bucky said, eyes following Callum’s every move.

“What exactly are you hoping to learn?” He asked Bucky.

“How you do this, maybe I could run through some of these with Tony sometimes.”

Bucky’s comment resulted in both of my eyebrows flying to my hairline, as did Callum’s. This was news to me. Although the more I thought about it, the more I understood why he hadn’t said anything until now. Any offer from Bucky to help when I first woke up would have been shut down quicker than it took Thanos to level the compound. That Tony would never have accepted the offer, this Tony doesn’t want to either, but at least I have more tact now…sort of.

“Well of course the decision will remain with Tony,” Callum said, “however, I would advise against it.”

“Course you would,” Bucky muttered. 

“Tony can decide when the time is more appropriate, for now let’s concentrate.” Callum said. 

“How much longer?” I asked, getting tired of the cold glares being thrown over me. I wasn’t one for caring about awkward situations, but that was only when I was the one making it awkward.

“About ten more minutes,” Callum said, meeting my gaze for a second before continuing to move my legs. 

“Today seemed fairly easy,” Bucky commented.

“I like to mix easier sessions into the recovery plan so that Tony doesn’t get burnt out. Quickest way to permanent damage is pushing the body too hard,” he said, “unless you disagree?” The challenge was clear in his voice. 

Bucky didn’t rise to it and chose to stay quiet. After some tense silence Callum finally declared we were finished for the day and began to pack his things up. I was grateful that we were finally finished, and Bucky was clearly pleased to see him go because he wasted no time telling Callum goodbye.

Once Callum had left, Bucky turned back to face me, “I don’t know why that turned into a pissing contest.” I stayed silent, not sure exactly what to say.

“I’m sorry if I ruined your session. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s fine,” I said. 

“There’s just something that about him that rubs me the wrong way.”

“Why? How do you want him to rub you?”

“Tony,” Bucky gave me the sort of look Pep used to give Morgan, but there was a slight curl to his lips that told me he wasn’t serious. 

“Please continue with how he rubs you.”

Bucky snorted at that one before saying, “I just don’t know what it is.”

“He looks like Steve.”

When I said it, I could see the cogs turning in Bucky’s head until it clicked, “he does, doesn’t he.”

“It’s the freakishly small waist.”

“And general know-it all attitude,” Bucky said, barely loud enough for me to hear.

“At least now you might see him differently.”

“What? Like going from slightly annoyed to now wanting to punch him in the face.” Bucky was getting worked up, his hands opening and closing as he spoke. So I guess Steve could be added to the list of things Bucky was still dealing with, that made two of us. 

“I call dibs on the real one.” I said trying to lighten the mood.

“Only if you get there first,” he replied, a small smile now replacing the previous scowl. 

“Boss, Dr Bently is requesting entry,” FRIDAY said. 

It sounded like Ariel found her voice, although given her earlier lie, it wasn’t a huge shock to hear her speak the second Callum left.

“Granted.” I said and waited for the good doctor to come in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter one this time, it took me way too long to write for what it ended up being. Got to the point where I just had to post it otherwise I would never move on to the next.
> 
> As always, hope you enjoyed it and see you at the next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome aboard the Endgame Fix-It Express, destination <3 3000, I hope you have a pleasant journey.


End file.
